Lots of people like to tell me what I should do with my kids. Or what I shouldn't do. I'm not a fan. So let me explain why I parent how I do and why I'm not even remotely interested in some of the 'suggestions' people have.
Why we don't 'cry-it-out' (CIO)
I often get told to just 'let them cry' this is not something that I do. Now, I could list research articles that indicate the negative neurological effects of repeated and/or prolonged crying in infants. Such as:
M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992
Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.
Stifter and Spinrad, The Effect of Excessive Crying on the Development of Emotion Regulation, Infancy, 2002; 3(2), 133-152
Yea, I could list all of those, and trust me, there are plenty more where that came from. I could explain to you how letting small children CIO can cause emotional problems, attachment issues, psychological problems...I could list all of those things.
But the bottom line? I don't CIO with my kids because it goes against pretty much every biological/maternal instinct that I have. When my baby cries, my entire central nervous system says "go make the crying stop!" So yes, sometimes I am going to carry my baby around because he is crying for attention, he is a baby and it hardwired to want and need and crave attention.
And the biggest reason of all that I don't let my kids cry? Because I just don't want to, it just does not feel right to me at all.
Why we talk to our kids like their real people instead of tiny little non-understanding creatures.
Ok, so sometimes they are tiny little non-understanding creatures, but the fact is, if we talk to them like their real people, they learn to speak to other people respectfully. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the age-appropriate answer is "because I said so" but a lot of the time they really do deserve and explanation and not just to be told 'no' all the time.
But mostly, that is how I want to talk to them. And I puked for 9 months to grow those little people and I labored and let people cut me open and endured weeks and weeks of painful recovery to have them and I've nursed them and they are mine and all mine, and no one else's (except for my husband's) and what I say goes.
Why my kids are rear facing in the car.
Well, Sawyer is rear-facing because well, he's new and its the law and he would be regardless of my opinions...But Carson remains rear-facing because it is the safest way for him to be. Because I could list a million scholarly articles that say so. Because the AAP and the NHTSA say so.
But mostly? Because it is what I want and they are my kids.
Did you see a theme here? Because the theme is that they are my children, and unless you were there when they were conceived, you just flat out do not get a say in how I parent them.
So the next time you feel like telling me to just put the kid down and let him cry, or question the way he faces in the car, or otherwise feel like telling me all of the things I doing wrong with them. Take note; I parent my kids the way I want to and the way I see fit. Unless something I'm doing is actual abuse (which I can guarantee it isn't, nor is it even close) then shut the f up. Because I'm done being told all of the things that I'm doing wrong. I have many flaws. They are innumerable. But even on my worst day, nobody has any right to tell me that I'm parenting the wrong way. It may not be your way, but that doesn't make it wrong.
So really, get over yourself. If you want a say in how a kid is parented, then go have some [more] or your own. Because these are mine, and you just don't get to have an opinion.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
the couch from hell
So when Bryan and i got married 5 years ago we were a little short on cash as I'm sure you can imagine being that we were 18 and 21 years old so we didn't have much in the way of furniture or money with which to purchase anything nice. The only piece of furniture that we bought new was our mattress and box spring and even that is only as nice as it is because I happened to work at Macy's at the time and it was discontinued so it was marked down and I bought it during extra employee discount day so we got an awesome deal. The rest of our furniture was either hand me downs or stuff we'd both already owned from childhood (ok that is still mostly the case)
anyway...
we ended up buying a couch from my old neighbors for pretty cheap and it was in ok condition considering the fact that it was older than I am. It lasted us through our first couple of years of marriage but when Carson was a little over a year old he grabbed onto a part of it and pulled and it came apart exposing the sharp part of the upholstery staples...so buh-bye went the now dangerous couch...didn't want anyone putting an eye out or anything.
As a replacement we bought a couch off of craigslist for like $40, it seemed really nice at first glance, was plenty comfortable, however they left out one very important detail, they had cats, and I'm pretty sure those cats lived on that couch, however since they'd vacuumed it (I assume that's what they did anyway) it didn't look like it when we got it...but after sitting on it for a bit, and after falling asleep on it...I was in super hive mode, and upon further inspection of the undersides of the cushions, it had quite a bit of cat hair. I'm allergic to cats.
So then we got yet another couch on craigslist. For FREE, and cat-free (I asked if they'd ever so much as owned cats in the time they'd owned the couch, they had not). It isn't terribly horrible looking, though it is quite threadbare, however it had a pretty big flaw...the edge where your knees bend is wood covered in fabric, so when you sit there with your knees bent over a 2x4, they tend to go numb, its not so comfy. But we lived with it, we didn't exactly have money to buy a new one or anything. And then this week we were moving, and I said to my husband that I did not want to bring this couch with us, that I want to be a real adult with a couch that is not a piece of crap and even if it meant we didn't have a couch at all until we could save up for a nicer one, I was not moving with something that was uncomfortable and ugly and I was just done with crappy couches.
Then life happened and before we moved I did not get a chance to list it for free on craigslist (where we lived anything marked free goes in a matter of hours) so we decided we would just load it in the moving truck and drop in off at goodwill on the way to return the uhaul. Except we get to goodwill and they tell us that they don't take hide a bed couches...but salvation army does. So we go to Salvation Army, and they tell us that they only take couches in like new condition, ours was not horrible, but certainly not new...so they tell us we can take it to this other place, except when we get there they tell us that it will cost $40 to give it to them.
We seriously could not get rid of the couch.
It is now sitting on my in-laws driveway awaiting a new home...I have it listed on craigslist for free and everything.
I just want it to GO AWAY!!
anyway...
we ended up buying a couch from my old neighbors for pretty cheap and it was in ok condition considering the fact that it was older than I am. It lasted us through our first couple of years of marriage but when Carson was a little over a year old he grabbed onto a part of it and pulled and it came apart exposing the sharp part of the upholstery staples...so buh-bye went the now dangerous couch...didn't want anyone putting an eye out or anything.
As a replacement we bought a couch off of craigslist for like $40, it seemed really nice at first glance, was plenty comfortable, however they left out one very important detail, they had cats, and I'm pretty sure those cats lived on that couch, however since they'd vacuumed it (I assume that's what they did anyway) it didn't look like it when we got it...but after sitting on it for a bit, and after falling asleep on it...I was in super hive mode, and upon further inspection of the undersides of the cushions, it had quite a bit of cat hair. I'm allergic to cats.
So then we got yet another couch on craigslist. For FREE, and cat-free (I asked if they'd ever so much as owned cats in the time they'd owned the couch, they had not). It isn't terribly horrible looking, though it is quite threadbare, however it had a pretty big flaw...the edge where your knees bend is wood covered in fabric, so when you sit there with your knees bent over a 2x4, they tend to go numb, its not so comfy. But we lived with it, we didn't exactly have money to buy a new one or anything. And then this week we were moving, and I said to my husband that I did not want to bring this couch with us, that I want to be a real adult with a couch that is not a piece of crap and even if it meant we didn't have a couch at all until we could save up for a nicer one, I was not moving with something that was uncomfortable and ugly and I was just done with crappy couches.
Then life happened and before we moved I did not get a chance to list it for free on craigslist (where we lived anything marked free goes in a matter of hours) so we decided we would just load it in the moving truck and drop in off at goodwill on the way to return the uhaul. Except we get to goodwill and they tell us that they don't take hide a bed couches...but salvation army does. So we go to Salvation Army, and they tell us that they only take couches in like new condition, ours was not horrible, but certainly not new...so they tell us we can take it to this other place, except when we get there they tell us that it will cost $40 to give it to them.
We seriously could not get rid of the couch.
It is now sitting on my in-laws driveway awaiting a new home...I have it listed on craigslist for free and everything.
I just want it to GO AWAY!!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
I'm pretty sure packing with two small children is one of those things they'd make you do in Hell
No, seriously.
We are moving on Tuesday. That seems so incredibly soon...probably because it is. And trying to get everything packed and organized and gone through (and trying to get rid of stuff because omg how the crap do we possibly have SO much stuff!?!) is like trying to 'suck a donkey through a straw' as it were. Seriously, I think that every time one child falls asleep, or is full, or is willing to play by himself, the other child is wide awake, starving or just has to be withing two inches of me 'helping' by not helping. I honestly think that there are some boxes I've packed 3 or 4 times because they get unpacked while I'm trying to pack them. Really, I think this is something they could use a torture technique. 'here, pack up an entire two bedroom apartment, decide what to keep, what to donate, what to craigslist, and get it all pack and put into boxes with a toddler and an infant' I'm pretty sure its a good way to make a person go crazy.
And every time you think you are getting closer to being done, you realize just how much you have left to do. And you want to pack this or that, then you realize that you can't pack *all* the pots and pans, because then what are you going to cook with for the next 2 days?
Ahhhhhh!!! Seriously, packing to move with 2 small kids is pure torture.
And the worst part? We don't have our new place lined up yet, so we are temporarily crashing with my parents, which means we get to move...then turn around and move a couple weeks later when we have a new place....awesome, huh?
I need to be rich so I can just hire movers.
We are moving on Tuesday. That seems so incredibly soon...probably because it is. And trying to get everything packed and organized and gone through (and trying to get rid of stuff because omg how the crap do we possibly have SO much stuff!?!) is like trying to 'suck a donkey through a straw' as it were. Seriously, I think that every time one child falls asleep, or is full, or is willing to play by himself, the other child is wide awake, starving or just has to be withing two inches of me 'helping' by not helping. I honestly think that there are some boxes I've packed 3 or 4 times because they get unpacked while I'm trying to pack them. Really, I think this is something they could use a torture technique. 'here, pack up an entire two bedroom apartment, decide what to keep, what to donate, what to craigslist, and get it all pack and put into boxes with a toddler and an infant' I'm pretty sure its a good way to make a person go crazy.
And every time you think you are getting closer to being done, you realize just how much you have left to do. And you want to pack this or that, then you realize that you can't pack *all* the pots and pans, because then what are you going to cook with for the next 2 days?
Ahhhhhh!!! Seriously, packing to move with 2 small kids is pure torture.
And the worst part? We don't have our new place lined up yet, so we are temporarily crashing with my parents, which means we get to move...then turn around and move a couple weeks later when we have a new place....awesome, huh?
I need to be rich so I can just hire movers.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I've been replaced as favorite.
Carson really loves Sawyer. He is constantly coming over to Sawyer and giving him kisses and saying "aww my baby brother! I love him! He's my favorite!" It is really sweet! He just loves on the baby all the time. ok...sometimes he loves him a little too much (we're still mastering the concept of 'gentle' snuggles...)
But...I'm feeling just a little replaced! Carson now refuses to give me kisses "no mom, I just give brother kisses, he's my favorite" he won't go to bed without giving Sawyer a hug and kiss, but Heaven forbid Mama wants a hug!
At least he still wants to cuddle when he wakes up (way too freaking early) in the morning....I'll take what I can get.
But...I'm feeling just a little replaced! Carson now refuses to give me kisses "no mom, I just give brother kisses, he's my favorite" he won't go to bed without giving Sawyer a hug and kiss, but Heaven forbid Mama wants a hug!
At least he still wants to cuddle when he wakes up (way too freaking early) in the morning....I'll take what I can get.
Anniversary FAIL
Today is my fifth wedding anniversary! My husband is totally awesome and I love him to pieces...but as far as anniversaries go? This one was a big huge flop. (And no, I'm not about to complain about my husband, none of the failures had anything at all to do with him)
Fail #1? The dentist. First, I should not even have to go to the dentist on my anniversary...but I did. When I was pregnant with Sawyer I ad a filling fall out, but they don't like to use novocaine in the third trimester, so I had to wait to get it fixed. I finally got it fixed 2 weeks ago...and a big old chunk of it promptly fell out a few days ago leaving a gaping hole in my mouth (awesome, huh?) So it hurt like all kinds of badly and when I called them first thing Monday morning they said I could either come in today at 7am or wait until NEXT Thursday...as in like a week and a half of pain so bad that it even hurt to drink water....so I sucked it up and went today. Apparently there was some issue with the filling stuff as I'm not the first person to come in this week for a new filling having fallen out (btw I was brushing my teeth when it fell out so it isn't like I was chewing on something I shouldn't or anything...I'm pretty sure teeth brushing is encouraged....) it is now nearing 7pm and my mouth still hurts...
Fail #2? Sleep...or lack thereof. I'm pretty sure I slept a total of about 45 minutes last night between staying up later than I should have, Sawyer being permalatched all night long, and getting up way to freaking early this morning. Thank God for Dutch Bros....although now the coffee has well worn off and I'm so exhausted I'm shaking. I need a nap.
Fail #3? Date with the husband. My good friend was babysitting for us so we could go see Harry Potter. Except that Sawyer is sort of hit or miss with the bottle...and did not take it this morning for Bryan while I was at the dentist (thankfully he only woke up a few minutes before I got home so he got mad at the bottle for 5 minutes then I was there to nurse him) but we decided to risk it (I'm now questioning why...) we saw about 45 minutes of the movie before having to come home because Sawyer was refusing the bottle....sigh. Major fail...at least as we were leaving I asked if there was anyway we could get our money back because our sitter called and we needed to go home, the lady said sure no problem and gave us our ticket money back...
After Carson goes to sleep, Bryan is going to go get us Chipotle for dinner (thank you to my in-laws for sending us money to go out to an anniversary dinner!) I'm also making him go buy me the last Harry Potter book while he's out.
Despite our anniversary's epic failures....I still love my husband more than anything, so I guess perhaps that's the point of our anniversary anyhow.....ya know, even if I'm exhausted, in pain, and haven't had an actual date with my husband in like 5 months....
Fail #1? The dentist. First, I should not even have to go to the dentist on my anniversary...but I did. When I was pregnant with Sawyer I ad a filling fall out, but they don't like to use novocaine in the third trimester, so I had to wait to get it fixed. I finally got it fixed 2 weeks ago...and a big old chunk of it promptly fell out a few days ago leaving a gaping hole in my mouth (awesome, huh?) So it hurt like all kinds of badly and when I called them first thing Monday morning they said I could either come in today at 7am or wait until NEXT Thursday...as in like a week and a half of pain so bad that it even hurt to drink water....so I sucked it up and went today. Apparently there was some issue with the filling stuff as I'm not the first person to come in this week for a new filling having fallen out (btw I was brushing my teeth when it fell out so it isn't like I was chewing on something I shouldn't or anything...I'm pretty sure teeth brushing is encouraged....) it is now nearing 7pm and my mouth still hurts...
Fail #2? Sleep...or lack thereof. I'm pretty sure I slept a total of about 45 minutes last night between staying up later than I should have, Sawyer being permalatched all night long, and getting up way to freaking early this morning. Thank God for Dutch Bros....although now the coffee has well worn off and I'm so exhausted I'm shaking. I need a nap.
Fail #3? Date with the husband. My good friend was babysitting for us so we could go see Harry Potter. Except that Sawyer is sort of hit or miss with the bottle...and did not take it this morning for Bryan while I was at the dentist (thankfully he only woke up a few minutes before I got home so he got mad at the bottle for 5 minutes then I was there to nurse him) but we decided to risk it (I'm now questioning why...) we saw about 45 minutes of the movie before having to come home because Sawyer was refusing the bottle....sigh. Major fail...at least as we were leaving I asked if there was anyway we could get our money back because our sitter called and we needed to go home, the lady said sure no problem and gave us our ticket money back...
After Carson goes to sleep, Bryan is going to go get us Chipotle for dinner (thank you to my in-laws for sending us money to go out to an anniversary dinner!) I'm also making him go buy me the last Harry Potter book while he's out.
Despite our anniversary's epic failures....I still love my husband more than anything, so I guess perhaps that's the point of our anniversary anyhow.....ya know, even if I'm exhausted, in pain, and haven't had an actual date with my husband in like 5 months....
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