PARENT - Job Description
This is hysterical. If it had been
presented this way,
I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills
an d be willing to work variable hours,
which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including
trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments
in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60
mph in three seconds flat in case, this time,
the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars
and coordinate production of multiple
homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize
social gatherings for clients of all ages
and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety
testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys,
and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be
prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability
for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor
maintenance and janitorial work
throughout the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position
for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will
help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with l ove to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
AND A FOOTNOTE - THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER
I'm not entirely sure what I was thinking when I decided that taking full time classes when I was due in the middle of the term was a good idea, or even a sane idea for that matter. It is now Sunday night and I have had since last Sunday to do my homework for econ and family studies, leave it to me to just have finished it about 10 minutes ago. The sad part is that it wasn't due to procrastination, it was due to sheer lack of time. Whoever said that newborns eat 8-12 times today clearly never met Carson, he nurses a minimum of 15 times per day (seriously) and usually closer to 18 or so. He also likes to have marathon nursing sessions about 5 or 6 times a day where he nurses for an hour straight, then rests for 20 minutes and nurses for another 45 minutes to an hour, it is amazing that I ever get anything accomplished. This blog, for instance, has taken me 2 days so far to write out because the second I start doing anything Carson wakes up.
In my flat pattern class for our final project we had to create a design and make the pattern for it, we then get assigned someone else's pattern to actually sew, well today we gt our assigned patterns and I must say (and seriously I'm not trying to be conceited) that sometimes I really hate being good at my major. I got assigned a pretty difficult pattern that has a lot of corrections that I need to make before I sew because that pattern was done incorrectly, our teacher told me "It is one of the hardest ones and has a bit of a mess to fix, but I think you're one of the people who can handle it." which is totally a compliment that she thinks I can do it, I just have no idea when I'm going to find the time...Hopefully Carson will be occupied with my mom on Thanksgiving for long enough for me to get a start.
Oh yea, one more thing...I can't find the cord for my camera ANYWHERE so even though I have the most amazing picture for Carson's birth announcements (that I really need to get done soon considering he is almost a month old--crap how did he get so old already?) I have no way to get that picture onto my computer...
