I plan to write a letter to my kids on their birthdays each year and hope for them to read them when they're older...maybe when they have babies of their own.
To my sweet little Carson,
Today you are three, THREE!?! I can't even believe that it has been that long since you were born, it feels like yesterday. You are such a sweet little boy. Your favorite things to do are read and write, or really anything having to do with the alphabet or words, you like to color, blow bubbles and run around. You love cars and trucks and books, lots of books. You tell us constantly that Sawyer is your favorite, which is one the most special things to me. I hope you and your baby brother will continue to be great friends as you grow us, he certainly adores you just as much as you love him.
You are one of the smartest kids ever, and I'm not even saying that because I'm your mama. You are just turning three and you already know every letter of the alphabet, both upper and lowercase, and can write them all legibly. You are starting to read a bit and you can spell aloud and write a lot of words without help such as: Carson, Mommy, Daddy (except sometimes you forget and spell it Doddy), Brother, Alligator, Iguana, Goose, and lots more. You can count to twenty, and by tens all the way to 100, when you see a number bigger than 20, like 26, you say it "six-twenty" because in your sweet little head it makes sense that is 16 is "six-teen" then 26 would be "six-twenty" Every day you learn more and more and its almost like I can see the connections being made. You're amazing. You have so much potential to do so many amazing things with your life, but the biggest thing in the whole world that I want for you is that you grow up to be happy.
You have an amazing little personality. You are happy and sweet and full of so much energy and life. You're also stubborn and strong willed and want everything to happen the way you think it should...you probably got that from me. You're interested in everything, you want to know what it is and how it works and why, why, why. Sometimes being your mama is hard because you're three, one day when you have a three year old of your own you'll know why, but even at its toughest, being your mama is nothing short of amazing and wonderful and more than I could every have asked for or expected from being a mom.
You love to play with your friend Riley and your cousin Isabelle. Your favorite book is Chica Chica Boom Boom. Your favorite toys are your magna doodle and your cars. You just got your very own library card. You love the children's museum. You don't have a favorite color, if someone asks you what your favorite color is you look at your shirt and say its whatever color your shirt is because it matches and you like to match. You love going to the park, and jumping in puddles with your boots on.
Happy Birthday Bug!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
the problem with me making promises I can't keep...
See, I keep promising to blog more often, and I personally think I was doing a super awesome freaking job for like...a couple of weeks...but then this or that happens and I fail miserably at keeping said blog-updating promise.
So...due to router incompatability with my computer (apparently certain models of linksys routers are NOT compatible with certain models of mac computers) I am living without the ability to connect my computer to the internet. It is super lame.
While I'm all about new experiences and doing thing spontaneously and all of that, I have a serious aversion to change when it comes to my computer...well, certain changes anyway. I love my mac, I especially love the keyboard on my mac. I am currently posting this from Bryan's computer (which is NOT a mac...hence the internet connecting capabilities) which has a different keyboard. I'm not a happy camper. Anyway due to less available time on the internet (read: when Bryan is at work I have children to care for rather than goof around on here and when he's home..uh he likes to use his computer occasionally too...) I'll be blogging as I get the chance. This may or may not come in the form of infrequent posting, serial posting when I actually get a chance on the computer and/or spending what time I do get on the computer goofing off and getting distracted and not actually blogging.
Just thought I'd put that all out there in case anyone thought that maybe I died.
So...due to router incompatability with my computer (apparently certain models of linksys routers are NOT compatible with certain models of mac computers) I am living without the ability to connect my computer to the internet. It is super lame.
While I'm all about new experiences and doing thing spontaneously and all of that, I have a serious aversion to change when it comes to my computer...well, certain changes anyway. I love my mac, I especially love the keyboard on my mac. I am currently posting this from Bryan's computer (which is NOT a mac...hence the internet connecting capabilities) which has a different keyboard. I'm not a happy camper. Anyway due to less available time on the internet (read: when Bryan is at work I have children to care for rather than goof around on here and when he's home..uh he likes to use his computer occasionally too...) I'll be blogging as I get the chance. This may or may not come in the form of infrequent posting, serial posting when I actually get a chance on the computer and/or spending what time I do get on the computer goofing off and getting distracted and not actually blogging.
Just thought I'd put that all out there in case anyone thought that maybe I died.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Children's Museum
Yesterday I took the boys to the children's museum with my friend Jessie and three of her kids. Carson had SO much fun! I remember going to the children's museum when I was little, and while they've definitely made some awesome improvements, there are a few things that are almost just like I remember them. It was so fun to see Carson play and do things that I remember doing there when I was little. We didn't even get a chance to do all of the exhibits because we were having such a blast and it got too late to stay any longer, but we will definitely be going back! It is so awesome to go somewhere that you have such a good time that you don't even end up seeing it all!
Playing in the bubbles out front! He was thrilled with the bubble machines.
Playing trains!
'Uhm, Mom, why are there kids I don't know playing with things I want to play with?'...Because it is called 'sharing' that's why! I don't think he liked my answer.
Water Room!!
'Grocery shopping'
this was about when Sawyer conked out in the Beco
And this...is where my camera died.
Thankfully Jessie also had her camera (and is a *much* better photgrapher than me!) so I'll get her photos of the rest of the trip...which included the mini rock wall/slide, fishies in a fish tank, and the theatre room!
Playing in the bubbles out front! He was thrilled with the bubble machines.
Playing trains!
'Uhm, Mom, why are there kids I don't know playing with things I want to play with?'...Because it is called 'sharing' that's why! I don't think he liked my answer.
Water Room!!
'Grocery shopping'
this was about when Sawyer conked out in the Beco
And this...is where my camera died.
Thankfully Jessie also had her camera (and is a *much* better photgrapher than me!) so I'll get her photos of the rest of the trip...which included the mini rock wall/slide, fishies in a fish tank, and the theatre room!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Why I parent the way I do.
Lots of people like to tell me what I should do with my kids. Or what I shouldn't do. I'm not a fan. So let me explain why I parent how I do and why I'm not even remotely interested in some of the 'suggestions' people have.
Why we don't 'cry-it-out' (CIO)
I often get told to just 'let them cry' this is not something that I do. Now, I could list research articles that indicate the negative neurological effects of repeated and/or prolonged crying in infants. Such as:
M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992
Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.
Stifter and Spinrad, The Effect of Excessive Crying on the Development of Emotion Regulation, Infancy, 2002; 3(2), 133-152
Yea, I could list all of those, and trust me, there are plenty more where that came from. I could explain to you how letting small children CIO can cause emotional problems, attachment issues, psychological problems...I could list all of those things.
But the bottom line? I don't CIO with my kids because it goes against pretty much every biological/maternal instinct that I have. When my baby cries, my entire central nervous system says "go make the crying stop!" So yes, sometimes I am going to carry my baby around because he is crying for attention, he is a baby and it hardwired to want and need and crave attention.
And the biggest reason of all that I don't let my kids cry? Because I just don't want to, it just does not feel right to me at all.
Why we talk to our kids like their real people instead of tiny little non-understanding creatures.
Ok, so sometimes they are tiny little non-understanding creatures, but the fact is, if we talk to them like their real people, they learn to speak to other people respectfully. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the age-appropriate answer is "because I said so" but a lot of the time they really do deserve and explanation and not just to be told 'no' all the time.
But mostly, that is how I want to talk to them. And I puked for 9 months to grow those little people and I labored and let people cut me open and endured weeks and weeks of painful recovery to have them and I've nursed them and they are mine and all mine, and no one else's (except for my husband's) and what I say goes.
Why my kids are rear facing in the car.
Well, Sawyer is rear-facing because well, he's new and its the law and he would be regardless of my opinions...But Carson remains rear-facing because it is the safest way for him to be. Because I could list a million scholarly articles that say so. Because the AAP and the NHTSA say so.
But mostly? Because it is what I want and they are my kids.
Did you see a theme here? Because the theme is that they are my children, and unless you were there when they were conceived, you just flat out do not get a say in how I parent them.
So the next time you feel like telling me to just put the kid down and let him cry, or question the way he faces in the car, or otherwise feel like telling me all of the things I doing wrong with them. Take note; I parent my kids the way I want to and the way I see fit. Unless something I'm doing is actual abuse (which I can guarantee it isn't, nor is it even close) then shut the f up. Because I'm done being told all of the things that I'm doing wrong. I have many flaws. They are innumerable. But even on my worst day, nobody has any right to tell me that I'm parenting the wrong way. It may not be your way, but that doesn't make it wrong.
So really, get over yourself. If you want a say in how a kid is parented, then go have some [more] or your own. Because these are mine, and you just don't get to have an opinion.
Why we don't 'cry-it-out' (CIO)
I often get told to just 'let them cry' this is not something that I do. Now, I could list research articles that indicate the negative neurological effects of repeated and/or prolonged crying in infants. Such as:
M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992
Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.
Stifter and Spinrad, The Effect of Excessive Crying on the Development of Emotion Regulation, Infancy, 2002; 3(2), 133-152
Yea, I could list all of those, and trust me, there are plenty more where that came from. I could explain to you how letting small children CIO can cause emotional problems, attachment issues, psychological problems...I could list all of those things.
But the bottom line? I don't CIO with my kids because it goes against pretty much every biological/maternal instinct that I have. When my baby cries, my entire central nervous system says "go make the crying stop!" So yes, sometimes I am going to carry my baby around because he is crying for attention, he is a baby and it hardwired to want and need and crave attention.
And the biggest reason of all that I don't let my kids cry? Because I just don't want to, it just does not feel right to me at all.
Why we talk to our kids like their real people instead of tiny little non-understanding creatures.
Ok, so sometimes they are tiny little non-understanding creatures, but the fact is, if we talk to them like their real people, they learn to speak to other people respectfully. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the age-appropriate answer is "because I said so" but a lot of the time they really do deserve and explanation and not just to be told 'no' all the time.
But mostly, that is how I want to talk to them. And I puked for 9 months to grow those little people and I labored and let people cut me open and endured weeks and weeks of painful recovery to have them and I've nursed them and they are mine and all mine, and no one else's (except for my husband's) and what I say goes.
Why my kids are rear facing in the car.
Well, Sawyer is rear-facing because well, he's new and its the law and he would be regardless of my opinions...But Carson remains rear-facing because it is the safest way for him to be. Because I could list a million scholarly articles that say so. Because the AAP and the NHTSA say so.
But mostly? Because it is what I want and they are my kids.
Did you see a theme here? Because the theme is that they are my children, and unless you were there when they were conceived, you just flat out do not get a say in how I parent them.
So the next time you feel like telling me to just put the kid down and let him cry, or question the way he faces in the car, or otherwise feel like telling me all of the things I doing wrong with them. Take note; I parent my kids the way I want to and the way I see fit. Unless something I'm doing is actual abuse (which I can guarantee it isn't, nor is it even close) then shut the f up. Because I'm done being told all of the things that I'm doing wrong. I have many flaws. They are innumerable. But even on my worst day, nobody has any right to tell me that I'm parenting the wrong way. It may not be your way, but that doesn't make it wrong.
So really, get over yourself. If you want a say in how a kid is parented, then go have some [more] or your own. Because these are mine, and you just don't get to have an opinion.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
the couch from hell
So when Bryan and i got married 5 years ago we were a little short on cash as I'm sure you can imagine being that we were 18 and 21 years old so we didn't have much in the way of furniture or money with which to purchase anything nice. The only piece of furniture that we bought new was our mattress and box spring and even that is only as nice as it is because I happened to work at Macy's at the time and it was discontinued so it was marked down and I bought it during extra employee discount day so we got an awesome deal. The rest of our furniture was either hand me downs or stuff we'd both already owned from childhood (ok that is still mostly the case)
anyway...
we ended up buying a couch from my old neighbors for pretty cheap and it was in ok condition considering the fact that it was older than I am. It lasted us through our first couple of years of marriage but when Carson was a little over a year old he grabbed onto a part of it and pulled and it came apart exposing the sharp part of the upholstery staples...so buh-bye went the now dangerous couch...didn't want anyone putting an eye out or anything.
As a replacement we bought a couch off of craigslist for like $40, it seemed really nice at first glance, was plenty comfortable, however they left out one very important detail, they had cats, and I'm pretty sure those cats lived on that couch, however since they'd vacuumed it (I assume that's what they did anyway) it didn't look like it when we got it...but after sitting on it for a bit, and after falling asleep on it...I was in super hive mode, and upon further inspection of the undersides of the cushions, it had quite a bit of cat hair. I'm allergic to cats.
So then we got yet another couch on craigslist. For FREE, and cat-free (I asked if they'd ever so much as owned cats in the time they'd owned the couch, they had not). It isn't terribly horrible looking, though it is quite threadbare, however it had a pretty big flaw...the edge where your knees bend is wood covered in fabric, so when you sit there with your knees bent over a 2x4, they tend to go numb, its not so comfy. But we lived with it, we didn't exactly have money to buy a new one or anything. And then this week we were moving, and I said to my husband that I did not want to bring this couch with us, that I want to be a real adult with a couch that is not a piece of crap and even if it meant we didn't have a couch at all until we could save up for a nicer one, I was not moving with something that was uncomfortable and ugly and I was just done with crappy couches.
Then life happened and before we moved I did not get a chance to list it for free on craigslist (where we lived anything marked free goes in a matter of hours) so we decided we would just load it in the moving truck and drop in off at goodwill on the way to return the uhaul. Except we get to goodwill and they tell us that they don't take hide a bed couches...but salvation army does. So we go to Salvation Army, and they tell us that they only take couches in like new condition, ours was not horrible, but certainly not new...so they tell us we can take it to this other place, except when we get there they tell us that it will cost $40 to give it to them.
We seriously could not get rid of the couch.
It is now sitting on my in-laws driveway awaiting a new home...I have it listed on craigslist for free and everything.
I just want it to GO AWAY!!
anyway...
we ended up buying a couch from my old neighbors for pretty cheap and it was in ok condition considering the fact that it was older than I am. It lasted us through our first couple of years of marriage but when Carson was a little over a year old he grabbed onto a part of it and pulled and it came apart exposing the sharp part of the upholstery staples...so buh-bye went the now dangerous couch...didn't want anyone putting an eye out or anything.
As a replacement we bought a couch off of craigslist for like $40, it seemed really nice at first glance, was plenty comfortable, however they left out one very important detail, they had cats, and I'm pretty sure those cats lived on that couch, however since they'd vacuumed it (I assume that's what they did anyway) it didn't look like it when we got it...but after sitting on it for a bit, and after falling asleep on it...I was in super hive mode, and upon further inspection of the undersides of the cushions, it had quite a bit of cat hair. I'm allergic to cats.
So then we got yet another couch on craigslist. For FREE, and cat-free (I asked if they'd ever so much as owned cats in the time they'd owned the couch, they had not). It isn't terribly horrible looking, though it is quite threadbare, however it had a pretty big flaw...the edge where your knees bend is wood covered in fabric, so when you sit there with your knees bent over a 2x4, they tend to go numb, its not so comfy. But we lived with it, we didn't exactly have money to buy a new one or anything. And then this week we were moving, and I said to my husband that I did not want to bring this couch with us, that I want to be a real adult with a couch that is not a piece of crap and even if it meant we didn't have a couch at all until we could save up for a nicer one, I was not moving with something that was uncomfortable and ugly and I was just done with crappy couches.
Then life happened and before we moved I did not get a chance to list it for free on craigslist (where we lived anything marked free goes in a matter of hours) so we decided we would just load it in the moving truck and drop in off at goodwill on the way to return the uhaul. Except we get to goodwill and they tell us that they don't take hide a bed couches...but salvation army does. So we go to Salvation Army, and they tell us that they only take couches in like new condition, ours was not horrible, but certainly not new...so they tell us we can take it to this other place, except when we get there they tell us that it will cost $40 to give it to them.
We seriously could not get rid of the couch.
It is now sitting on my in-laws driveway awaiting a new home...I have it listed on craigslist for free and everything.
I just want it to GO AWAY!!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
I'm pretty sure packing with two small children is one of those things they'd make you do in Hell
No, seriously.
We are moving on Tuesday. That seems so incredibly soon...probably because it is. And trying to get everything packed and organized and gone through (and trying to get rid of stuff because omg how the crap do we possibly have SO much stuff!?!) is like trying to 'suck a donkey through a straw' as it were. Seriously, I think that every time one child falls asleep, or is full, or is willing to play by himself, the other child is wide awake, starving or just has to be withing two inches of me 'helping' by not helping. I honestly think that there are some boxes I've packed 3 or 4 times because they get unpacked while I'm trying to pack them. Really, I think this is something they could use a torture technique. 'here, pack up an entire two bedroom apartment, decide what to keep, what to donate, what to craigslist, and get it all pack and put into boxes with a toddler and an infant' I'm pretty sure its a good way to make a person go crazy.
And every time you think you are getting closer to being done, you realize just how much you have left to do. And you want to pack this or that, then you realize that you can't pack *all* the pots and pans, because then what are you going to cook with for the next 2 days?
Ahhhhhh!!! Seriously, packing to move with 2 small kids is pure torture.
And the worst part? We don't have our new place lined up yet, so we are temporarily crashing with my parents, which means we get to move...then turn around and move a couple weeks later when we have a new place....awesome, huh?
I need to be rich so I can just hire movers.
We are moving on Tuesday. That seems so incredibly soon...probably because it is. And trying to get everything packed and organized and gone through (and trying to get rid of stuff because omg how the crap do we possibly have SO much stuff!?!) is like trying to 'suck a donkey through a straw' as it were. Seriously, I think that every time one child falls asleep, or is full, or is willing to play by himself, the other child is wide awake, starving or just has to be withing two inches of me 'helping' by not helping. I honestly think that there are some boxes I've packed 3 or 4 times because they get unpacked while I'm trying to pack them. Really, I think this is something they could use a torture technique. 'here, pack up an entire two bedroom apartment, decide what to keep, what to donate, what to craigslist, and get it all pack and put into boxes with a toddler and an infant' I'm pretty sure its a good way to make a person go crazy.
And every time you think you are getting closer to being done, you realize just how much you have left to do. And you want to pack this or that, then you realize that you can't pack *all* the pots and pans, because then what are you going to cook with for the next 2 days?
Ahhhhhh!!! Seriously, packing to move with 2 small kids is pure torture.
And the worst part? We don't have our new place lined up yet, so we are temporarily crashing with my parents, which means we get to move...then turn around and move a couple weeks later when we have a new place....awesome, huh?
I need to be rich so I can just hire movers.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
I've been replaced as favorite.
Carson really loves Sawyer. He is constantly coming over to Sawyer and giving him kisses and saying "aww my baby brother! I love him! He's my favorite!" It is really sweet! He just loves on the baby all the time. ok...sometimes he loves him a little too much (we're still mastering the concept of 'gentle' snuggles...)
But...I'm feeling just a little replaced! Carson now refuses to give me kisses "no mom, I just give brother kisses, he's my favorite" he won't go to bed without giving Sawyer a hug and kiss, but Heaven forbid Mama wants a hug!
At least he still wants to cuddle when he wakes up (way too freaking early) in the morning....I'll take what I can get.
But...I'm feeling just a little replaced! Carson now refuses to give me kisses "no mom, I just give brother kisses, he's my favorite" he won't go to bed without giving Sawyer a hug and kiss, but Heaven forbid Mama wants a hug!
At least he still wants to cuddle when he wakes up (way too freaking early) in the morning....I'll take what I can get.
Anniversary FAIL
Today is my fifth wedding anniversary! My husband is totally awesome and I love him to pieces...but as far as anniversaries go? This one was a big huge flop. (And no, I'm not about to complain about my husband, none of the failures had anything at all to do with him)
Fail #1? The dentist. First, I should not even have to go to the dentist on my anniversary...but I did. When I was pregnant with Sawyer I ad a filling fall out, but they don't like to use novocaine in the third trimester, so I had to wait to get it fixed. I finally got it fixed 2 weeks ago...and a big old chunk of it promptly fell out a few days ago leaving a gaping hole in my mouth (awesome, huh?) So it hurt like all kinds of badly and when I called them first thing Monday morning they said I could either come in today at 7am or wait until NEXT Thursday...as in like a week and a half of pain so bad that it even hurt to drink water....so I sucked it up and went today. Apparently there was some issue with the filling stuff as I'm not the first person to come in this week for a new filling having fallen out (btw I was brushing my teeth when it fell out so it isn't like I was chewing on something I shouldn't or anything...I'm pretty sure teeth brushing is encouraged....) it is now nearing 7pm and my mouth still hurts...
Fail #2? Sleep...or lack thereof. I'm pretty sure I slept a total of about 45 minutes last night between staying up later than I should have, Sawyer being permalatched all night long, and getting up way to freaking early this morning. Thank God for Dutch Bros....although now the coffee has well worn off and I'm so exhausted I'm shaking. I need a nap.
Fail #3? Date with the husband. My good friend was babysitting for us so we could go see Harry Potter. Except that Sawyer is sort of hit or miss with the bottle...and did not take it this morning for Bryan while I was at the dentist (thankfully he only woke up a few minutes before I got home so he got mad at the bottle for 5 minutes then I was there to nurse him) but we decided to risk it (I'm now questioning why...) we saw about 45 minutes of the movie before having to come home because Sawyer was refusing the bottle....sigh. Major fail...at least as we were leaving I asked if there was anyway we could get our money back because our sitter called and we needed to go home, the lady said sure no problem and gave us our ticket money back...
After Carson goes to sleep, Bryan is going to go get us Chipotle for dinner (thank you to my in-laws for sending us money to go out to an anniversary dinner!) I'm also making him go buy me the last Harry Potter book while he's out.
Despite our anniversary's epic failures....I still love my husband more than anything, so I guess perhaps that's the point of our anniversary anyhow.....ya know, even if I'm exhausted, in pain, and haven't had an actual date with my husband in like 5 months....
Fail #1? The dentist. First, I should not even have to go to the dentist on my anniversary...but I did. When I was pregnant with Sawyer I ad a filling fall out, but they don't like to use novocaine in the third trimester, so I had to wait to get it fixed. I finally got it fixed 2 weeks ago...and a big old chunk of it promptly fell out a few days ago leaving a gaping hole in my mouth (awesome, huh?) So it hurt like all kinds of badly and when I called them first thing Monday morning they said I could either come in today at 7am or wait until NEXT Thursday...as in like a week and a half of pain so bad that it even hurt to drink water....so I sucked it up and went today. Apparently there was some issue with the filling stuff as I'm not the first person to come in this week for a new filling having fallen out (btw I was brushing my teeth when it fell out so it isn't like I was chewing on something I shouldn't or anything...I'm pretty sure teeth brushing is encouraged....) it is now nearing 7pm and my mouth still hurts...
Fail #2? Sleep...or lack thereof. I'm pretty sure I slept a total of about 45 minutes last night between staying up later than I should have, Sawyer being permalatched all night long, and getting up way to freaking early this morning. Thank God for Dutch Bros....although now the coffee has well worn off and I'm so exhausted I'm shaking. I need a nap.
Fail #3? Date with the husband. My good friend was babysitting for us so we could go see Harry Potter. Except that Sawyer is sort of hit or miss with the bottle...and did not take it this morning for Bryan while I was at the dentist (thankfully he only woke up a few minutes before I got home so he got mad at the bottle for 5 minutes then I was there to nurse him) but we decided to risk it (I'm now questioning why...) we saw about 45 minutes of the movie before having to come home because Sawyer was refusing the bottle....sigh. Major fail...at least as we were leaving I asked if there was anyway we could get our money back because our sitter called and we needed to go home, the lady said sure no problem and gave us our ticket money back...
After Carson goes to sleep, Bryan is going to go get us Chipotle for dinner (thank you to my in-laws for sending us money to go out to an anniversary dinner!) I'm also making him go buy me the last Harry Potter book while he's out.
Despite our anniversary's epic failures....I still love my husband more than anything, so I guess perhaps that's the point of our anniversary anyhow.....ya know, even if I'm exhausted, in pain, and haven't had an actual date with my husband in like 5 months....
Friday, July 29, 2011
A little slice of advice...
Kelly at Kelly's Korner asked if you could give one piece of parenting advice, what would it be? So here's mine.
Be confident in your parenting. You will get so much unsolicited advice as a parent, especially when you're a new parent. Some of it will be great advice, and that is awesome. But a lot of it is going to suck. All that sucky crap? Don't let it get you down. And don't let it make you question things you know are right for your family, because that is different for every family. If someone tells you that you should do X but all of you instincts say to do Y? Then tell them you're glad X worked so well for them, but this is what works for your family. Don't ever let someone else make you feel badly about the way you parent.
check out more parenting tips by lots of other bloggers over at Kelly's Korner :)
Be confident in your parenting. You will get so much unsolicited advice as a parent, especially when you're a new parent. Some of it will be great advice, and that is awesome. But a lot of it is going to suck. All that sucky crap? Don't let it get you down. And don't let it make you question things you know are right for your family, because that is different for every family. If someone tells you that you should do X but all of you instincts say to do Y? Then tell them you're glad X worked so well for them, but this is what works for your family. Don't ever let someone else make you feel badly about the way you parent.
check out more parenting tips by lots of other bloggers over at Kelly's Korner :)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Clearly I'm the biggest Jerk in the Whole World
Seriously, that is how I felt today. Carson and I were in the kitchen making guacamole earlier, I was already a bit annoyed because I can't find one of the pieces of my chopper thing, which I did not realize when I bought all the stuff for guacamole, so I was having to mince the garlic, shallots, and jalapeno by hand (lame!) which is so not my thing, I'm a super lazy cook.
Earlier this week I hurt my back pretty severely; like I actually went to the doctor for it because I seriously could not move, that is saying a lot because I really hate going to the doctor and try to avoid it at pretty much all costs. So today was literally the first day that I was able to stand for more than about 3 minutes without literally crying in pain. I know, I know, you're wondering where the heck I'm going with all of this and what my back injury has to do with guacamole or me being a jerk...I promise I'm getting there. So, along with the back hurting I'm sure you can imagine that if I bend wrong, it doesn't feel so hot.
So we're (ok, mostly just me) making guacamole and Carson is mostly just playing in the kitchen with me, which is really what I was going for anyway since I had to chop everything up by hand and I didn't want to slice his fingers off...seriously, me+huge chef knife? accident waiting to happen. Although I do have to go ahead and tip my hat to myself because I totally minced the crap outta that stuff (thank you food network for teaching me how to properly use a chef knife)
Ok, so Carson is playing and being his normal two year self and we were packing earlier (we're moving in like a week and a half...holy crap that's soon, I should get off the computer and pack) and I had some d-rings...ya know those d-shaped things for making adjustable straps on things...if you sew you probably know what I'm talking about. Anyway, he wanted to play with the d-rings and I was like sure kid, go for it, I don't even remember why I bought them in the first place....
So he's playing with them and being and just doing what 2 year olds do I guess and he decides that it would be a good idea to slide them up the back of my leg from Achilles tendon up the back of my calf...well I'm really ticklish (can you see where this is going) So I squirm because I'm fridiculously ticklish and it hurt my back SO badly that I almost collapsed...no seriously, my back is *that* injured. So I say "Carson, please don't do that, it really hurts mommy"
Back to chopping.
He does it again...:"Carson, mommy asked you not to do that, please do not do it again or I will take the d-rings away"
"No mommy! Don't take them!"
More chopping.
And he does it again and it HURT! So in my pain and annoyance and serious freaking pain and omg I just realized I missed my last dose of muscle relaxer and ibuprofen that I was due for an hour ago and I am SO paying for it...
And I LOST it.
And I YELLED at him that "If you do that to mommy ever again you are going STRAIGHT to bed right this second. You need to listen to mommy!!!!!!"
And because I'm a huge ass-hat, I went right back to chopping...
I turn around like a minute later when I'm cooled off and he is laying face down on the kitchen floor.
"Buddy, what's wrong?"
"I just sad" *sniffle*
"I'm sorry baby"
Silence.
"Do you want to go read a story and cuddle together?"
pout*nod*pout
"Ok bud, pick out a book"...and to my husband I say "I'm really hot, will you turn the a/c on?"
"Mommy's just hot and Carson's just sad"
"Why are you sad baby?"
"Mommy just yelled at Carson"
I am the biggest ass ever.
Don't get me wrong, the kid was not listening and its not like I don't think he should be disciplined, but I should have calmly taken away the freaking d-ring like I said I would, not hard-core yelled at him. I seriously hurt his feelings. Bright side? He was over it 2 stories later and told me he wasn't sad anymore.
"I just happy now mom"
But I still feel like the worst mom ever.
Earlier this week I hurt my back pretty severely; like I actually went to the doctor for it because I seriously could not move, that is saying a lot because I really hate going to the doctor and try to avoid it at pretty much all costs. So today was literally the first day that I was able to stand for more than about 3 minutes without literally crying in pain. I know, I know, you're wondering where the heck I'm going with all of this and what my back injury has to do with guacamole or me being a jerk...I promise I'm getting there. So, along with the back hurting I'm sure you can imagine that if I bend wrong, it doesn't feel so hot.
So we're (ok, mostly just me) making guacamole and Carson is mostly just playing in the kitchen with me, which is really what I was going for anyway since I had to chop everything up by hand and I didn't want to slice his fingers off...seriously, me+huge chef knife? accident waiting to happen. Although I do have to go ahead and tip my hat to myself because I totally minced the crap outta that stuff (thank you food network for teaching me how to properly use a chef knife)
Ok, so Carson is playing and being his normal two year self and we were packing earlier (we're moving in like a week and a half...holy crap that's soon, I should get off the computer and pack) and I had some d-rings...ya know those d-shaped things for making adjustable straps on things...if you sew you probably know what I'm talking about. Anyway, he wanted to play with the d-rings and I was like sure kid, go for it, I don't even remember why I bought them in the first place....
So he's playing with them and being and just doing what 2 year olds do I guess and he decides that it would be a good idea to slide them up the back of my leg from Achilles tendon up the back of my calf...well I'm really ticklish (can you see where this is going) So I squirm because I'm fridiculously ticklish and it hurt my back SO badly that I almost collapsed...no seriously, my back is *that* injured. So I say "Carson, please don't do that, it really hurts mommy"
Back to chopping.
He does it again...:"Carson, mommy asked you not to do that, please do not do it again or I will take the d-rings away"
"No mommy! Don't take them!"
More chopping.
And he does it again and it HURT! So in my pain and annoyance and serious freaking pain and omg I just realized I missed my last dose of muscle relaxer and ibuprofen that I was due for an hour ago and I am SO paying for it...
And I LOST it.
And I YELLED at him that "If you do that to mommy ever again you are going STRAIGHT to bed right this second. You need to listen to mommy!!!!!!"
And because I'm a huge ass-hat, I went right back to chopping...
I turn around like a minute later when I'm cooled off and he is laying face down on the kitchen floor.
"Buddy, what's wrong?"
"I just sad" *sniffle*
"I'm sorry baby"
Silence.
"Do you want to go read a story and cuddle together?"
pout*nod*pout
"Ok bud, pick out a book"...and to my husband I say "I'm really hot, will you turn the a/c on?"
"Mommy's just hot and Carson's just sad"
"Why are you sad baby?"
"Mommy just yelled at Carson"
I am the biggest ass ever.
Don't get me wrong, the kid was not listening and its not like I don't think he should be disciplined, but I should have calmly taken away the freaking d-ring like I said I would, not hard-core yelled at him. I seriously hurt his feelings. Bright side? He was over it 2 stories later and told me he wasn't sad anymore.
"I just happy now mom"
But I still feel like the worst mom ever.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Being Gluten and Dairy Free Kinda Sucks
When Carson was a baby he had a dairy intolerance, so that meant no dairy for mama because he was nursing. Eventually he grew out of it, which is great, and apparently relatively common. I got used to it after a while and it wasn't completely terrible, but that isn't to say that I wasn't totally glad to be able to eat cheese again.
Sawyer came along and for weeks he had this insane lime green poop (I know you totally wanted to know all about my kid's poop) first I thought maybe it was a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, that can cause green poop. So I tried block feeding, but no help. So then we moved on to removal of dairy from my diet. No change in the poop, but he stopped being congested all. the. time. After a couple weeks I was thinking gee this really isn't helping and I really miss cheese. Then we had a new symptom...sandy textured lime green poop. Which can be a sign of gluten intolerance.
So away went my all my gluten filled foods. Within a few days he was showing improvement, his poop was the normal mustard yellow color you'd expect from an exclusively breastfed baby...and he started being happier about life in general. But then I reintroduced the dairy thinking it hadn't really been helping and apparently it was because then we got crabby baby with blood in his poop and never ending congestion.
So then I started no gluten and no dairy...it's been about a week and a half of being free of both things and Sawyer just laid on his play mat batting at toys and cooing for like 15 minutes straight. He's also slept a lot today, like normal 3 months old type sleep.
BUT not eating like anything totally sucks. Some things you can fake....but some things you can't. And when I made Carson a grilled cheese sandwich and it sat there and stared at me all gooey and cheese and bready and wonderful? Total suckage.
But a happy baby is totally worth it.
Do you kids have any allergies or intolerances? My friends have given me some great tips/resources for going gluten free...do you have any tips to share?
Sawyer came along and for weeks he had this insane lime green poop (I know you totally wanted to know all about my kid's poop) first I thought maybe it was a foremilk/hindmilk imbalance, that can cause green poop. So I tried block feeding, but no help. So then we moved on to removal of dairy from my diet. No change in the poop, but he stopped being congested all. the. time. After a couple weeks I was thinking gee this really isn't helping and I really miss cheese. Then we had a new symptom...sandy textured lime green poop. Which can be a sign of gluten intolerance.
So away went my all my gluten filled foods. Within a few days he was showing improvement, his poop was the normal mustard yellow color you'd expect from an exclusively breastfed baby...and he started being happier about life in general. But then I reintroduced the dairy thinking it hadn't really been helping and apparently it was because then we got crabby baby with blood in his poop and never ending congestion.
So then I started no gluten and no dairy...it's been about a week and a half of being free of both things and Sawyer just laid on his play mat batting at toys and cooing for like 15 minutes straight. He's also slept a lot today, like normal 3 months old type sleep.
BUT not eating like anything totally sucks. Some things you can fake....but some things you can't. And when I made Carson a grilled cheese sandwich and it sat there and stared at me all gooey and cheese and bready and wonderful? Total suckage.
But a happy baby is totally worth it.
Do you kids have any allergies or intolerances? My friends have given me some great tips/resources for going gluten free...do you have any tips to share?
Monday, July 25, 2011
He's "Healthy"
Yesterday I went to the doctor (I hurt my back, its a really lame story...) and of course I had Sawyer with me because the kids eats boobies and only boobies. I'll go ahead and interject in here that I really hope I can get the kid to take a bottle of pumped breastmilk soon because I would really love to go out on a date with my husband for our fifth anniversary which is rapidly approaching...anyway...So the we're talking about what the doctor was going to prescribe me and how I'm nursing and he said he wanted to make sure that whatever he gave me was ok because he didn't want to mess with my kid's only food source. then apparently he caught himself assuming that Sawyer was only on the boob juice and asked how old he was and if he was exclusively breastfeeding. I said he's 3 months and yes, won't even take a bottle of pumped milk (the kid just doesn't get that that should come out of anywhere else I guess) He told me that Sawyer looked really healthy.
I get that to a lot of people that's probably not like a huge deal...but it made me so incredibly happy. Here's why...Carson was diagnosed as Failure To Thrive (FTT) as an infant. I had a low milk supply and had to supplement with formula. From the tome Carson was 4 months old until he was 11 months old he gained about 2 lbs total. He fell from about the 60th%ile for weight all the way to not even on the chart. I fought for every single ounce that baby gained. Today I came across his 6 month stats. At 6 months old he was 14 lbs 13.5 oz and 27" Sawyer is only 3 months old right now, he is approximately 16 lbs and 27" He's never had a single drop of anything but breastmilk. So when I hear that he's healthy, I practically want to cry with joy. I did that! My body did that...ya know, what it was made to do but somehow couldn't quite do last time? It seriously just makes me so happy...I just wanted to share :)
for comparison...this is Sawyer today at 3 months old
And here is Carson at EIGHT months old and approximately 15-ish lbs and 28 or 29 inches...
I get that to a lot of people that's probably not like a huge deal...but it made me so incredibly happy. Here's why...Carson was diagnosed as Failure To Thrive (FTT) as an infant. I had a low milk supply and had to supplement with formula. From the tome Carson was 4 months old until he was 11 months old he gained about 2 lbs total. He fell from about the 60th%ile for weight all the way to not even on the chart. I fought for every single ounce that baby gained. Today I came across his 6 month stats. At 6 months old he was 14 lbs 13.5 oz and 27" Sawyer is only 3 months old right now, he is approximately 16 lbs and 27" He's never had a single drop of anything but breastmilk. So when I hear that he's healthy, I practically want to cry with joy. I did that! My body did that...ya know, what it was made to do but somehow couldn't quite do last time? It seriously just makes me so happy...I just wanted to share :)
for comparison...this is Sawyer today at 3 months old
And here is Carson at EIGHT months old and approximately 15-ish lbs and 28 or 29 inches...
Love This Kid's Imagination!
We've had some trouble lately getting Carson to help clean up (read: OMG someone take this kid and return him when he's a well behaved 4 year old; 2 scares me, 3 scares me even more!) This kid has the craziest imagination ever. I mean, it is probably just his age, but I'm seriously in awe of some of he things he comes up with. The problem? A lot of times the things he comes up with are excuses. And a lot of the time I have to stifle laughter while telling him he really needs to pick up whatever it is he needs to pick up because his excuse? Well, its something along the lines of "I can't do that right now mom, first I have to pet a dinosaur" No, really. That is what I'm up against.
Today? We used that imagination to help clean up!
Carson pulled all of the clean (not yet put away) clothes out of the laundry basket...I tried not to pull all my hair out...
It went a little something like this:
Me: Carson, please pick up all the laundry and put it back in the basket.
Carson: No I just need to walk through this forest first
Me: *puzzled expression* Uhm, Ok, but I need you to pick up the mess you made please
Carson: Mommy that's just step 3, first I need to do step 1
Me: What's step 1?
Carson: Step one is just walk through this forest
Me: Ok, walk through the forest, then pick up the clothes.
Carson: Noooooooooooooooooo! Clothes is jut step threeeeeeee moooooooooommmmmmmm! I have to do step 2 first!!! *whine* *whine*
Me: *trying not to claw my ears off* whiningandmommydon'tmix. Ok Carson, what's step 2?
Carson: I don't know.
Me: *lightbulbs going off* Ok Carson, walk through the forest.
Carson: I did do that. What's step 2?
Me: uhm...Step 2 is jump up and down.
Carson: OK!!! *jumps up and down*
Me: Ok, do step 3 now, pick up the laundry!
Carson: Ok! *picks up laundry
Mom win!
Carson: 41859023571050
Mom: 1
Today? We used that imagination to help clean up!
Carson pulled all of the clean (not yet put away) clothes out of the laundry basket...I tried not to pull all my hair out...
It went a little something like this:
Me: Carson, please pick up all the laundry and put it back in the basket.
Carson: No I just need to walk through this forest first
Me: *puzzled expression* Uhm, Ok, but I need you to pick up the mess you made please
Carson: Mommy that's just step 3, first I need to do step 1
Me: What's step 1?
Carson: Step one is just walk through this forest
Me: Ok, walk through the forest, then pick up the clothes.
Carson: Noooooooooooooooooo! Clothes is jut step threeeeeeee moooooooooommmmmmmm! I have to do step 2 first!!! *whine* *whine*
Me: *trying not to claw my ears off* whiningandmommydon'tmix. Ok Carson, what's step 2?
Carson: I don't know.
Me: *lightbulbs going off* Ok Carson, walk through the forest.
Carson: I did do that. What's step 2?
Me: uhm...Step 2 is jump up and down.
Carson: OK!!! *jumps up and down*
Me: Ok, do step 3 now, pick up the laundry!
Carson: Ok! *picks up laundry
Mom win!
Carson: 41859023571050
Mom: 1
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Let's talk about Carseats
If you know me, you know that I'm sort of a carseat nut. Really, it is all about the safety of my kids. Car crashes are the leading cause of death in children, so of course I want to do everything I can to keep my kids safe in the car. People tend to get really defensive about their carseat usage though, like you're judging their parenting. There are so very many parenting hot-button issues; breastfeeding or formula, cloth diapers or disposables, co-sleeping or crib sleeping...you get the drift. All of these things are reasonably arguable but then it comes down to it, they really are a "what works for our family" type of issue. Carseats are not. A friend posted this a while back, just after the AAP officially released their statement recommending that children stay rear facing until AT LEAST 2 years and 30 lbs, and I wholeheartedly agree with her:
"Every other parenting issue can be turned into an "it works better for our family" argument, but you cannot argue with the laws of physics. It might work better for me if my children could float, but gravity does not care what I think. The same goes for momentum and force when it comes to a hunk of steel traveling at a high rate of speed coming to a sudden stop. It really doesn't matter what you think you know or what you want; physics cannot be overcome by your opinion. It infuriates me that people think this is a "it works better for us" issue. No, no it's not. Your opinion is not above the laws of physics. It may make your child happier to forward face. It may make it easier for you to get them in the car or keep your seats cleaner or feed your child in the car. But when an accident happens, none of that "better for us" stuff makes a bit of difference."
See that's the thing, people hear that the government is trying to tell them what to do with their kid, and to an extent, yes they are, but they also mandate that you, as an adult, wear a seatbelt, and most people agree that that is the safe thing to do. And yet everyone gets their panties in a bunch when it comes to carseat safety. The law says that a child MUST rear face until 1 year AND 20 lbs, this is the absolute legal minimum, and even that some people have a hard time with, apparently a whole lot of parents don't know what the work "and" means and decide it is either or, it is not, the word is "and" but this is the bare minimum. When it comes to safety don't you want to do what is best practice? I do. Research indicates that it is 5 times safer for a child under 2 years old to be rear-facing. The AAP and the NHTSA both recommend rear facing until at least 2 years and 30 lbs, but preferably to the limits of your rear facing convertible seat.
There are exactly 2 words that it took to convince me that rear facing for as long as possible was the bet choice. Those words are "internal decapitation" The spinal cord is only capable of stretching about 1/4" before it severs, however in small children the cartilage and bone around the spinal cord have not fully ossified until somewhere between age 3 and 4, due to the large size of a small child's head in proportion to their body, in a car crash a forward facing child's head can slam forward and with the not yet fully developed bones to keep their spinal cord from stretching, they can suffer severe, sometimes life ending, damage to their spinal cord.
This is why at 2 years 9 months old, my older son is still happily rear facing.
A lot of parents have 'reasons' for forward facing their kids...and a lot of those reasons are crap.
*They can't see out the window....I call serious BS on this one. My sweet little Carson tells me each and every thing he sees out his windows when we're in the car. "look mom a red car!" "look mom a bird" "mommy I see horses" you get the drift. he absolutely can see out the car.
*Their legs are uncomfortable....Actually, most forward facing kids will complain that they are uncomfortable because their legs fall asleep since they don't reach the floor and dangle. A rear-facing kid's legs may seem uncomfy to you, but think about all the crazy positions kids sit that would make an adult sore just looking at them....remember those not-yet-developed bones and cartilage I talked about? That is what makes them so very bendable and totally fine in the car.
*Their legs will get broken in a crash....Also untrue, there are FAR more cases of broken legs in forward facing children than rear facing kids. In crashes that are severe enough to cause broken legs in a rear facing child, there is a very good chance that the same crash would cause severe spinal damage or death in a forward facing kid. Plus its a heck of a lot easier to heal and broken leg than a broken back. "Broken leg? Cast it. Broken back? Casket" The saying may be harsh, but it is valid.
So fellow parents, have I convinced you?
"Every other parenting issue can be turned into an "it works better for our family" argument, but you cannot argue with the laws of physics. It might work better for me if my children could float, but gravity does not care what I think. The same goes for momentum and force when it comes to a hunk of steel traveling at a high rate of speed coming to a sudden stop. It really doesn't matter what you think you know or what you want; physics cannot be overcome by your opinion. It infuriates me that people think this is a "it works better for us" issue. No, no it's not. Your opinion is not above the laws of physics. It may make your child happier to forward face. It may make it easier for you to get them in the car or keep your seats cleaner or feed your child in the car. But when an accident happens, none of that "better for us" stuff makes a bit of difference."
See that's the thing, people hear that the government is trying to tell them what to do with their kid, and to an extent, yes they are, but they also mandate that you, as an adult, wear a seatbelt, and most people agree that that is the safe thing to do. And yet everyone gets their panties in a bunch when it comes to carseat safety. The law says that a child MUST rear face until 1 year AND 20 lbs, this is the absolute legal minimum, and even that some people have a hard time with, apparently a whole lot of parents don't know what the work "and" means and decide it is either or, it is not, the word is "and" but this is the bare minimum. When it comes to safety don't you want to do what is best practice? I do. Research indicates that it is 5 times safer for a child under 2 years old to be rear-facing. The AAP and the NHTSA both recommend rear facing until at least 2 years and 30 lbs, but preferably to the limits of your rear facing convertible seat.
There are exactly 2 words that it took to convince me that rear facing for as long as possible was the bet choice. Those words are "internal decapitation" The spinal cord is only capable of stretching about 1/4" before it severs, however in small children the cartilage and bone around the spinal cord have not fully ossified until somewhere between age 3 and 4, due to the large size of a small child's head in proportion to their body, in a car crash a forward facing child's head can slam forward and with the not yet fully developed bones to keep their spinal cord from stretching, they can suffer severe, sometimes life ending, damage to their spinal cord.
This is why at 2 years 9 months old, my older son is still happily rear facing.
A lot of parents have 'reasons' for forward facing their kids...and a lot of those reasons are crap.
*They can't see out the window....I call serious BS on this one. My sweet little Carson tells me each and every thing he sees out his windows when we're in the car. "look mom a red car!" "look mom a bird" "mommy I see horses" you get the drift. he absolutely can see out the car.
*Their legs are uncomfortable....Actually, most forward facing kids will complain that they are uncomfortable because their legs fall asleep since they don't reach the floor and dangle. A rear-facing kid's legs may seem uncomfy to you, but think about all the crazy positions kids sit that would make an adult sore just looking at them....remember those not-yet-developed bones and cartilage I talked about? That is what makes them so very bendable and totally fine in the car.
*Their legs will get broken in a crash....Also untrue, there are FAR more cases of broken legs in forward facing children than rear facing kids. In crashes that are severe enough to cause broken legs in a rear facing child, there is a very good chance that the same crash would cause severe spinal damage or death in a forward facing kid. Plus its a heck of a lot easier to heal and broken leg than a broken back. "Broken leg? Cast it. Broken back? Casket" The saying may be harsh, but it is valid.
So fellow parents, have I convinced you?
Saturday, July 23, 2011
The Rundown on Baby Wearing
I love babywearing. My toddler LOVES babywearing. And the newb? Well, he could go either way I suppose, sometimes he loves it, sometimes he hates it, I really wish he would just love it all the time. We own a lot of carriers by my own standards, maybe not too many by some other people's standards, but I'll tell you all about what have and what we love.
The Stretchy Wrap:
The two most popular are the Moby Wrap and the Sleepy Wrap, stretchy wraps are also super easy to DIY, you just need about 5 yards of a good knit interlock fabric, cut it down from the bolt width to about 20-30 inches wide (by 5 yards long) you can leave it as is because knits don't ravel or you can serge around it for a more finished look. Stretchy wraps are great for new babies and front carries. When a baby gets to be over about 20 lbs or so the wrap can get a little stretched out by their weight and you have to constantly tighten it, so its best for small babies. Stretchy wraps should also NEVER be used for back carries as the baby can fall out if they flail backwards. I like a stretchy wrap for the newborn stage, and I've noticed for my babies the stretch is nice for calming them down because it can feel womb-like. Here is Sawyer in a front-wrap-cross-carry (FWCC) at about 1 month old.
The Ring Sling:
Great for nursing small babies, nice for a quick and easy hip carry for a toddler, the ring sling is great for short periods of time and a quick in and out. Our sling is made by me. If you make your own, just make sure you get GOOD rings, you don't want your baby getting hurt! We got our rings from slingrings.com they have great prices, a huge selection of colors, super fast shipping and excellent quality rings. The downside of the ring sling is that all of the weight is on one shoulder, this can get a little uncomfortable after a long period of time. Here is Carson nice and cozy in the sling at about 5 months old.
The Woven Wrap:
I LOVE woven wraps! They are extremely versatile. You can carry a newborn or a toddler in a woven wrap. You can do about a million different front, back, and hip carries. If I were stuck on a desert island and could only have one carrier, it would absolutely be a woven wrap. There are some woven wraps that I dream about having, but they are spendy and my bank account is against me having one right now, BUT they're easy to DIY. You do have to be sure to get a good fabric for a woven wrap though, any old thing wont do if you're wanting to wear it a lot. Also, you have to think about how often you're going to be using it, sure $150 sounds like a lot but if you plan to exclusively use a wrap and no stroller, then it starts sounding like it isn't that huge a price tag. For now, we have two woven wraps that are home made. One is made of gauze (if you buy gauze at Joann Fabrics, make sure you get their "crinkle cotton" as the stuff they have labeled as "gauze" is not true gauze and isn't sturdy enough) our other woven wrap is seersucker, if you're buying from Joann's they also have osnaburg which makes a good woven wrap as well. Or you can buy a didymos wrap and I'll droll all over it and live vicariously through you, ok?
My favorite carries for the woven wrap? It depends on which kiddo I'm wearing and what my mood is at the time. Right now my favorite carry for Sawyer is a Back Wrap Cross Carry (BWCC) modified with ruck straps and tied Tibetan. My favorite carry for Carson is BWCC with a chest belt. Check out thebabywearer.com or YouTube for lots and lots of ways to wrap your baby in a woven wrap. Back carries are great for trying to get things done, like making dinner or vacuuming. Carson LOVES to be in a back carry in a woven wrap, its by far his favorite, if he even sees the wrap he will bring it to me and ask "mommy can I be in carrier?" Now if only Sawyer was so happy about being in a back carry, he's still not so sure. I have, however, mastered the superman toss to get him up there! The only real downside to the woven wrap (at least in my opinion) is that there is a learning curve to it, I mean, there is a learning curve to pretty much all carriers, but I feel like the woven wrap has the most learning to it, but once you know what you're doing? It is absolutely AMAZING!
This isn't me (obviously) this was taken from the Didymos website, but it is my FAVORITE wrap, the Didymos jacquard in lime waves...I'm in loooooooooooove with it!
The Soft Structured Carrier:
This is probably the most main-stream of carriers. You want to make sure you stay away from things like the Snugli or the Baby Bjorn, they are what babywearers refer to as "crotch danglers" because the crotch of the carrier is to narrow its very bad for a baby's hips, the entirety of your baby's weight is resting on their crotch. You want something that is wide, so that the baby's weight is spread from one knee pit to the other knee pit. The two most well known are the Ergo and the Beco, both are super awesome and totally worth the price tag if you can swing it. We have a Beco, which I thankfully was able to find second-hand for about $30, but I will tell you now that I have it and know how awesome it is, I would have absolutely scrimped and saved up to buy a new one full price if I hadn't found one used. The Beco and Ergo can be used for front and back carries, they have straps like a backpack and clip into place. They're great for quick in and out like the ring sling, but have much better weight distribution. The Beco is my go-to grocery shopping carrier because its quick. I usually keep it in the car. It is also a great carrier for carrying one baby on my back and the other on my front, I put one kiddo in a wrap and the other in the beco. If you're new to baby wearing and don't want keep track of how to wrap, this is a great way to go. There are also some great tutorials and patterns out there for making your own, they require a bit more sewing skills than making a wrap and you have to make sure to buy good quality buckles, places like REI or other sporting goods stores generally have good ones with their rock climbing equipment, remember this is going to hold your baby so you don't want something flimsy!
I have a different pattern, but this is the beco butterfly 2:
The Mei Tai:
The Mei Tai is similar to the soft structured carrier but with ties instead of buckles, this makes it a little more adjustable than the SSC. The Babyhawk is one of the more popular ones, but it is also something you can DIY with some basic sewing skills. Ours is a DIY mei tai and its ok but I sort of winged it so while it worked great when Carson was small, I did not make the body of it tall enough for a toddler. Here's a Babyhawk:
So do you babywear? What is you favorite type of carrier?
The Stretchy Wrap:
The two most popular are the Moby Wrap and the Sleepy Wrap, stretchy wraps are also super easy to DIY, you just need about 5 yards of a good knit interlock fabric, cut it down from the bolt width to about 20-30 inches wide (by 5 yards long) you can leave it as is because knits don't ravel or you can serge around it for a more finished look. Stretchy wraps are great for new babies and front carries. When a baby gets to be over about 20 lbs or so the wrap can get a little stretched out by their weight and you have to constantly tighten it, so its best for small babies. Stretchy wraps should also NEVER be used for back carries as the baby can fall out if they flail backwards. I like a stretchy wrap for the newborn stage, and I've noticed for my babies the stretch is nice for calming them down because it can feel womb-like. Here is Sawyer in a front-wrap-cross-carry (FWCC) at about 1 month old.
The Ring Sling:
Great for nursing small babies, nice for a quick and easy hip carry for a toddler, the ring sling is great for short periods of time and a quick in and out. Our sling is made by me. If you make your own, just make sure you get GOOD rings, you don't want your baby getting hurt! We got our rings from slingrings.com they have great prices, a huge selection of colors, super fast shipping and excellent quality rings. The downside of the ring sling is that all of the weight is on one shoulder, this can get a little uncomfortable after a long period of time. Here is Carson nice and cozy in the sling at about 5 months old.
The Woven Wrap:
I LOVE woven wraps! They are extremely versatile. You can carry a newborn or a toddler in a woven wrap. You can do about a million different front, back, and hip carries. If I were stuck on a desert island and could only have one carrier, it would absolutely be a woven wrap. There are some woven wraps that I dream about having, but they are spendy and my bank account is against me having one right now, BUT they're easy to DIY. You do have to be sure to get a good fabric for a woven wrap though, any old thing wont do if you're wanting to wear it a lot. Also, you have to think about how often you're going to be using it, sure $150 sounds like a lot but if you plan to exclusively use a wrap and no stroller, then it starts sounding like it isn't that huge a price tag. For now, we have two woven wraps that are home made. One is made of gauze (if you buy gauze at Joann Fabrics, make sure you get their "crinkle cotton" as the stuff they have labeled as "gauze" is not true gauze and isn't sturdy enough) our other woven wrap is seersucker, if you're buying from Joann's they also have osnaburg which makes a good woven wrap as well. Or you can buy a didymos wrap and I'll droll all over it and live vicariously through you, ok?
My favorite carries for the woven wrap? It depends on which kiddo I'm wearing and what my mood is at the time. Right now my favorite carry for Sawyer is a Back Wrap Cross Carry (BWCC) modified with ruck straps and tied Tibetan. My favorite carry for Carson is BWCC with a chest belt. Check out thebabywearer.com or YouTube for lots and lots of ways to wrap your baby in a woven wrap. Back carries are great for trying to get things done, like making dinner or vacuuming. Carson LOVES to be in a back carry in a woven wrap, its by far his favorite, if he even sees the wrap he will bring it to me and ask "mommy can I be in carrier?" Now if only Sawyer was so happy about being in a back carry, he's still not so sure. I have, however, mastered the superman toss to get him up there! The only real downside to the woven wrap (at least in my opinion) is that there is a learning curve to it, I mean, there is a learning curve to pretty much all carriers, but I feel like the woven wrap has the most learning to it, but once you know what you're doing? It is absolutely AMAZING!
This isn't me (obviously) this was taken from the Didymos website, but it is my FAVORITE wrap, the Didymos jacquard in lime waves...I'm in loooooooooooove with it!
The Soft Structured Carrier:
This is probably the most main-stream of carriers. You want to make sure you stay away from things like the Snugli or the Baby Bjorn, they are what babywearers refer to as "crotch danglers" because the crotch of the carrier is to narrow its very bad for a baby's hips, the entirety of your baby's weight is resting on their crotch. You want something that is wide, so that the baby's weight is spread from one knee pit to the other knee pit. The two most well known are the Ergo and the Beco, both are super awesome and totally worth the price tag if you can swing it. We have a Beco, which I thankfully was able to find second-hand for about $30, but I will tell you now that I have it and know how awesome it is, I would have absolutely scrimped and saved up to buy a new one full price if I hadn't found one used. The Beco and Ergo can be used for front and back carries, they have straps like a backpack and clip into place. They're great for quick in and out like the ring sling, but have much better weight distribution. The Beco is my go-to grocery shopping carrier because its quick. I usually keep it in the car. It is also a great carrier for carrying one baby on my back and the other on my front, I put one kiddo in a wrap and the other in the beco. If you're new to baby wearing and don't want keep track of how to wrap, this is a great way to go. There are also some great tutorials and patterns out there for making your own, they require a bit more sewing skills than making a wrap and you have to make sure to buy good quality buckles, places like REI or other sporting goods stores generally have good ones with their rock climbing equipment, remember this is going to hold your baby so you don't want something flimsy!
I have a different pattern, but this is the beco butterfly 2:
The Mei Tai:
The Mei Tai is similar to the soft structured carrier but with ties instead of buckles, this makes it a little more adjustable than the SSC. The Babyhawk is one of the more popular ones, but it is also something you can DIY with some basic sewing skills. Ours is a DIY mei tai and its ok but I sort of winged it so while it worked great when Carson was small, I did not make the body of it tall enough for a toddler. Here's a Babyhawk:
So do you babywear? What is you favorite type of carrier?
Blog Revival
I started this blog oh so very long ago, and then life got in the way, and it got set aside. But it is time for a comeback. In the time since my last post a lot has changed in my life. I'm 23 now, I am officially a college graduate (woohoo!) and not only has my sweet little Carson done a whole lot of growing up (I really can't believe he's coming up on three already) but we also have our sweet new baby Sawyer, he was born in April. I really do want this blog to be shared with people, for people to learn something, for me to learn from others, and now that I'm finally done with school, I need an outlet, and I've got a little more time on my hands.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
6 weeks later...
The previous blog post was written just after Sawyer was born, I've since had some time to reflect on things, think about things, start to heal emotionally and physically (ya know, when I'm not running around like a chicken with its head cut off because being a mommy is BUSY!) so here are some musings from the past 6 weeks...writing helps me heal, so some of them might be a little..uhm...bitchy...and kinda scattered too.
The doctor who did my c-section was an ass. He was perfectly nice the first time we met (all of 20 minutes before the c-section) other than the acting like I might die if I don't have a c-section because who could possibly push out a baby bigger than 7.5 lbs...but the truth is, he was an ass. Sawyer was born on a Saturday, on Sunday a different OB from the same practice came to check my incision/check on me (he was really nice, he was honestly the only person I'd felt had listened to anything I was saying up until this point. He seemed genuinely sympathetic that I'd not gotten a vbac and when I explained-and I don't think I was even particularly nice about it-that I was full on pissed that I pretty much felt like I'd been lied to my entire pregnancy because it really seemed like they had no intention of ever letting me try for a vabc, he seemed to actually care that I was upset by the whole thing) ok so anyway, on Sunday the nice OB checked my incision, looked over my chart, asked how I was doing and said "do you want to go home tomorrow?" to which I responded that I thought I was required to stay for 3 days for a c-section, but if they were willing to let me go after 2 days, I would really love to. I missed my own bed and my own [crappy] apartment (no seriously, I can't wait to move, but its better than the hospital) and most of all, I missed my very sweet little 2 year old and I wanted to be home with him. Nice OB said that as long as my incision still looked just as good the next day, I could totally go home. So the next day, Monday, scalpel wielding OB [aka OB who did my c-section] was supposed to come check my incision and either discharge me or not...so its getting later and later and I still haven't been checked on. The nurse came in around 2 or 3 and asked if the OB had been in and I said no, he hadn't. She seemed shocked and mentioned that he'd been there bunches of times that day checking on people [apparently I'd been forgotten about] she came back a little later to tell me she called and he said he'd be over in about an hour. 2 hours later....the OB finally comes in, he stayed for literally like a minutes (no seriously, Bryan went into the bathroom to pee, the OB got there and left before he came out...it was THAT fast) so he comes, does the quickest, roughest check of my incision ever, says "I hear you want to go home" I said yea nice OB from yesterday said I might be able to, I'd love to see my other son. He rips off the dressing from my 2 days old wound without even warning me (OUCH!) then says ok I'll have the nurse come take out your staples and get your out of here...and gone. no "do you have any questions" or "are you healing ok?" or "how are you feeling?" I'd like to know the the F happened to his obnoxiously sweet bedside manner that was present when trying to get me to agree to the c-section..because clearly it no longer existed now that he'd gotten his way and I'd had a c-section...yep, he was an ass.
On the bright side, the anesthesiologist who did my spinal, was seriously one of my most favoritest people ever. 1: he had nothing to do with the forcing of the c-section, he wasn't called in until I'd already signed consent, so I hold him no ill will regarding that. 2: he was freaking hilarious. I don't do needles, and I especially don't do needles shoved up my spine. I was terrified. When I got the epidural with Carson I was having contractions so intense that I was crying through them, so I didn't have the mental capability to feel the epi, I was already in too much pain for it to matter. This time I was literally shaking in fear of getting the spinal and instead of treating my like a pincushion (see Sawyer's birth story to hear my opinions on being a pincushion) he actually cared to calm me down. He was happy and joking with Bryan and I through the whole c-section. He was the kind of person I would expect to meet working in a labor and delivery unit, if every person who worked in L&D had his kind of attitude, I think a lot less people would have crappy experiences. Just wanted you all to know that I don't think EVERYONE there sucked (just most of them)
When Sawyer was 9 days old I was instructed to remove the steri strips from my incision...when I did, I found that they'd left a staple. I know it was an accident...but it was like pouring salt into my [not yet nearly healed] wounds. I had been feeling like the incision hurt WAY more this time than it did with Carson, but had chalked it up to the fact that last time I didn't have a 2 year old to care for. Nope, it was that staple. I felt near immediate relief when it was taken out. I mean, the thing still hurt, but like I remembered it hurting last time...as in I didn't feel like crying every time I moved. So that sucked. Then when he was 3 weeks old I had a superficial tear in my incision. The very top layer of skin separated and bled a bit. That also sucked, they told me I was overdoing it, I asked them exactly how they'd like me to do less when I was home all day with a 2 year old to look after all by myself. I did PLENTY of sitting on my butt letting that kid destroy things so I wouldn't hurt myself, but honestly there are just times when your 2 year old is NOT listening to the word 'no' and is doing something potentially dangerous and you have no choice but to physically remove the kid from the situation. Sorry, but if the choice is hurting myself or my kid getting hurt, I choose hurting myself, every time. I'd like to send this paragraph to the OB who said a c-section was more convenient. Then I'd like to give him a 2 year old to look after for a day all by himself with the explicit instructions that he is absolutely not to pick the kid up. I'd like to see the look on his face when he realizes this means 1. you can't go anywhere because you can't lift the kid into the carseat 2. you can't go to the park 200 feet from your apartment because you can't lift the kid onto the swings and he's not tall enough to get up himself 3. 2 year olds don't always listen to 'no' they also tend to act out when they suddenly have a second human being vying for their mommy's attention that used to be solely theirs, so sometimes they destroy stuff and there is NOTHING you can do about it. I'd also like him to have the pain that comes along with an abdominal incision while he tries to make lunch for one kid while holding the baby. Yea...or people could just learn to keep their mouths shut instead of telling people not to over do it when they have no freaking idea what their talking about. My new feeling is that anyone who either doesn't have a uterus or has never had theirs cut open, does NOT get an opinion.
People CAN give birth to big babies. the 'average' size for a baby (as in 50th%ile) is 7.5 lbs. Do you know that that means that 50% of babies are bigger? (just like 50% are smaller) for people that obviously must be smart as they've gone through medical school, sometimes they are seriously idiots....ANY baby bigger than the 50th%ile is considered big, but that means 50% of babies are big...I'm pretty sure that people have been pushing out big babies for oh, all of time? The woman who owns the local yarn shop around here had an almost 12 lb baby naturally, and she's a small woman. Her daughter had a baby a week before me, also and Eugene (but not the midwives I saw, she saw the OB office that ended up doing my c-section. Her baby was born vaginally at 11 lbs 3 oz and when he came out the OB said "its a good thing we didn't do a late ultrasound because I would have insisted on a c-section for size" yep, there is a serious issue with the birthing process if a woman clearly can give birth naturally to big babies (her first was 10 something) but they would insist on a c-section for a big baby. The only reason doctors don't think women can have bigger babies is because they never let them, so they think they can't do it. The concern with big babies is shoulder distocia (the shoulders getting stuck) but the actual medical data supports the fact that shoulder distocia is more common in smaller babies who are induced than bigger babies who's mothers go into labor spontaneously...this is because even though an induced baby might be smaller, it is generally not ready to be born, labor goes more quickly than it would naturally and the baby doesn't get the chance to turn correctly in the birth canal so it gets stuck. A baby who's mother goes into labor spontaneously is less likely to have shoulder distocia because it can correctly maneuver itself on the way out. The medical data totally back this up and yet OBs still think that people can't have big babies because they've never seen it..the OB who delivered the yarn shop lady's daughter said to another OB after the baby was born "I just delivered an 11 lb baby...vaginally!" with all the awe of a kid who just tried candy for the first time...like OMG how amazing is that!?! and the other OB was similarly awestruck. And yet the data shows that [when not induced] bigger babies generally come out on their own without much trouble versus smaller babies who were induced so they wouldn't get too big...see what I mean about really stupid smart people? They call birth the ordinary miracle, and it is...but maybe its also just ordinary and should be treated as such. People seem to treat birth like a medical problem that OB's need to 'fix' like they need to have the OB deliver their baby...but the truth is, people have been having babies since the beginning of time and except in rare cases, nothing needs to be helped or fixed. Other first world countries seem to be able to have babies with WAY fewer c-sections and way fewer deaths (both mom and baby) than the US...maybe its because we treat birth like a problem that needs to be fixed.
If I've learned anything from the whole thing, its this:
If we ever have another baby, and that is a really big 'if', I will be prepared. With Carson I prepared myself for a natural birth, nothing else was an option. And when I ended up with a (completely actually necessary) c-section, it was a let down. In case anyone is wondering, with Carson I developed a high fever 28 hours after my water had broken the fever was caused by something called choreamnioitis (choreo) which is an infection of the uterus, after making no more progress for the next couple hours after developing choreo, the risk of the infection transferring to Carson was too high to continue labor that looked like it wasn't going to progress, so his c-section was totally necessary. With Sawyer I *thought* that I'd truly prepared for everything. I was hopeful that I'd have a successful vbac, but I was realistic about the fact that I might have another necessary c-section, that the same thing that happened with Carson could happen, any other number of things could go wrong that would require a c-section. I was prepared for that. I was NOT prepared for what happened. So, if we ever have another baby I will either find someone who has a record of successful vbacs of bigger babies, who I believe is answering me honestly when I tell them about Sawyer and flat out ask "is this going to be what happens with you?" and I will hire a doula OR I will decide on a scheduled c-section, but it will be MY choice, and I'll own that choice and I wont have to feel like anybody made it but me. But above all else, I will absolutely be prepared.
Also, in case anyone has any friends who have c-sections in the future, here is something you shouldn't say to them:
"well at least you didn't have to push a baby out you-know-where" well actually, yea the pushing part probably sucks (not that I'd know) and if you tear that is probably plenty painful. BUT I would bet that if you asked ANYONE who's had both a natural delivery and c-section, that they were recovered from the natural delivery much faster than the c-section. I would absolutely trade the [what I'm sure is excruciating] pain of pushing a kid out for the also excruciating recovery from a c-section.
But most importantly out of everything...even though I still believe that I should be able to have a healthy baby AND a birthing experience that I'm happy with....I would've done absolutely anything to have my sweet baby Sawyer; be it pushing him out or being sliced open.
The doctor who did my c-section was an ass. He was perfectly nice the first time we met (all of 20 minutes before the c-section) other than the acting like I might die if I don't have a c-section because who could possibly push out a baby bigger than 7.5 lbs...but the truth is, he was an ass. Sawyer was born on a Saturday, on Sunday a different OB from the same practice came to check my incision/check on me (he was really nice, he was honestly the only person I'd felt had listened to anything I was saying up until this point. He seemed genuinely sympathetic that I'd not gotten a vbac and when I explained-and I don't think I was even particularly nice about it-that I was full on pissed that I pretty much felt like I'd been lied to my entire pregnancy because it really seemed like they had no intention of ever letting me try for a vabc, he seemed to actually care that I was upset by the whole thing) ok so anyway, on Sunday the nice OB checked my incision, looked over my chart, asked how I was doing and said "do you want to go home tomorrow?" to which I responded that I thought I was required to stay for 3 days for a c-section, but if they were willing to let me go after 2 days, I would really love to. I missed my own bed and my own [crappy] apartment (no seriously, I can't wait to move, but its better than the hospital) and most of all, I missed my very sweet little 2 year old and I wanted to be home with him. Nice OB said that as long as my incision still looked just as good the next day, I could totally go home. So the next day, Monday, scalpel wielding OB [aka OB who did my c-section] was supposed to come check my incision and either discharge me or not...so its getting later and later and I still haven't been checked on. The nurse came in around 2 or 3 and asked if the OB had been in and I said no, he hadn't. She seemed shocked and mentioned that he'd been there bunches of times that day checking on people [apparently I'd been forgotten about] she came back a little later to tell me she called and he said he'd be over in about an hour. 2 hours later....the OB finally comes in, he stayed for literally like a minutes (no seriously, Bryan went into the bathroom to pee, the OB got there and left before he came out...it was THAT fast) so he comes, does the quickest, roughest check of my incision ever, says "I hear you want to go home" I said yea nice OB from yesterday said I might be able to, I'd love to see my other son. He rips off the dressing from my 2 days old wound without even warning me (OUCH!) then says ok I'll have the nurse come take out your staples and get your out of here...and gone. no "do you have any questions" or "are you healing ok?" or "how are you feeling?" I'd like to know the the F happened to his obnoxiously sweet bedside manner that was present when trying to get me to agree to the c-section..because clearly it no longer existed now that he'd gotten his way and I'd had a c-section...yep, he was an ass.
On the bright side, the anesthesiologist who did my spinal, was seriously one of my most favoritest people ever. 1: he had nothing to do with the forcing of the c-section, he wasn't called in until I'd already signed consent, so I hold him no ill will regarding that. 2: he was freaking hilarious. I don't do needles, and I especially don't do needles shoved up my spine. I was terrified. When I got the epidural with Carson I was having contractions so intense that I was crying through them, so I didn't have the mental capability to feel the epi, I was already in too much pain for it to matter. This time I was literally shaking in fear of getting the spinal and instead of treating my like a pincushion (see Sawyer's birth story to hear my opinions on being a pincushion) he actually cared to calm me down. He was happy and joking with Bryan and I through the whole c-section. He was the kind of person I would expect to meet working in a labor and delivery unit, if every person who worked in L&D had his kind of attitude, I think a lot less people would have crappy experiences. Just wanted you all to know that I don't think EVERYONE there sucked (just most of them)
When Sawyer was 9 days old I was instructed to remove the steri strips from my incision...when I did, I found that they'd left a staple. I know it was an accident...but it was like pouring salt into my [not yet nearly healed] wounds. I had been feeling like the incision hurt WAY more this time than it did with Carson, but had chalked it up to the fact that last time I didn't have a 2 year old to care for. Nope, it was that staple. I felt near immediate relief when it was taken out. I mean, the thing still hurt, but like I remembered it hurting last time...as in I didn't feel like crying every time I moved. So that sucked. Then when he was 3 weeks old I had a superficial tear in my incision. The very top layer of skin separated and bled a bit. That also sucked, they told me I was overdoing it, I asked them exactly how they'd like me to do less when I was home all day with a 2 year old to look after all by myself. I did PLENTY of sitting on my butt letting that kid destroy things so I wouldn't hurt myself, but honestly there are just times when your 2 year old is NOT listening to the word 'no' and is doing something potentially dangerous and you have no choice but to physically remove the kid from the situation. Sorry, but if the choice is hurting myself or my kid getting hurt, I choose hurting myself, every time. I'd like to send this paragraph to the OB who said a c-section was more convenient. Then I'd like to give him a 2 year old to look after for a day all by himself with the explicit instructions that he is absolutely not to pick the kid up. I'd like to see the look on his face when he realizes this means 1. you can't go anywhere because you can't lift the kid into the carseat 2. you can't go to the park 200 feet from your apartment because you can't lift the kid onto the swings and he's not tall enough to get up himself 3. 2 year olds don't always listen to 'no' they also tend to act out when they suddenly have a second human being vying for their mommy's attention that used to be solely theirs, so sometimes they destroy stuff and there is NOTHING you can do about it. I'd also like him to have the pain that comes along with an abdominal incision while he tries to make lunch for one kid while holding the baby. Yea...or people could just learn to keep their mouths shut instead of telling people not to over do it when they have no freaking idea what their talking about. My new feeling is that anyone who either doesn't have a uterus or has never had theirs cut open, does NOT get an opinion.
People CAN give birth to big babies. the 'average' size for a baby (as in 50th%ile) is 7.5 lbs. Do you know that that means that 50% of babies are bigger? (just like 50% are smaller) for people that obviously must be smart as they've gone through medical school, sometimes they are seriously idiots....ANY baby bigger than the 50th%ile is considered big, but that means 50% of babies are big...I'm pretty sure that people have been pushing out big babies for oh, all of time? The woman who owns the local yarn shop around here had an almost 12 lb baby naturally, and she's a small woman. Her daughter had a baby a week before me, also and Eugene (but not the midwives I saw, she saw the OB office that ended up doing my c-section. Her baby was born vaginally at 11 lbs 3 oz and when he came out the OB said "its a good thing we didn't do a late ultrasound because I would have insisted on a c-section for size" yep, there is a serious issue with the birthing process if a woman clearly can give birth naturally to big babies (her first was 10 something) but they would insist on a c-section for a big baby. The only reason doctors don't think women can have bigger babies is because they never let them, so they think they can't do it. The concern with big babies is shoulder distocia (the shoulders getting stuck) but the actual medical data supports the fact that shoulder distocia is more common in smaller babies who are induced than bigger babies who's mothers go into labor spontaneously...this is because even though an induced baby might be smaller, it is generally not ready to be born, labor goes more quickly than it would naturally and the baby doesn't get the chance to turn correctly in the birth canal so it gets stuck. A baby who's mother goes into labor spontaneously is less likely to have shoulder distocia because it can correctly maneuver itself on the way out. The medical data totally back this up and yet OBs still think that people can't have big babies because they've never seen it..the OB who delivered the yarn shop lady's daughter said to another OB after the baby was born "I just delivered an 11 lb baby...vaginally!" with all the awe of a kid who just tried candy for the first time...like OMG how amazing is that!?! and the other OB was similarly awestruck. And yet the data shows that [when not induced] bigger babies generally come out on their own without much trouble versus smaller babies who were induced so they wouldn't get too big...see what I mean about really stupid smart people? They call birth the ordinary miracle, and it is...but maybe its also just ordinary and should be treated as such. People seem to treat birth like a medical problem that OB's need to 'fix' like they need to have the OB deliver their baby...but the truth is, people have been having babies since the beginning of time and except in rare cases, nothing needs to be helped or fixed. Other first world countries seem to be able to have babies with WAY fewer c-sections and way fewer deaths (both mom and baby) than the US...maybe its because we treat birth like a problem that needs to be fixed.
If I've learned anything from the whole thing, its this:
If we ever have another baby, and that is a really big 'if', I will be prepared. With Carson I prepared myself for a natural birth, nothing else was an option. And when I ended up with a (completely actually necessary) c-section, it was a let down. In case anyone is wondering, with Carson I developed a high fever 28 hours after my water had broken the fever was caused by something called choreamnioitis (choreo) which is an infection of the uterus, after making no more progress for the next couple hours after developing choreo, the risk of the infection transferring to Carson was too high to continue labor that looked like it wasn't going to progress, so his c-section was totally necessary. With Sawyer I *thought* that I'd truly prepared for everything. I was hopeful that I'd have a successful vbac, but I was realistic about the fact that I might have another necessary c-section, that the same thing that happened with Carson could happen, any other number of things could go wrong that would require a c-section. I was prepared for that. I was NOT prepared for what happened. So, if we ever have another baby I will either find someone who has a record of successful vbacs of bigger babies, who I believe is answering me honestly when I tell them about Sawyer and flat out ask "is this going to be what happens with you?" and I will hire a doula OR I will decide on a scheduled c-section, but it will be MY choice, and I'll own that choice and I wont have to feel like anybody made it but me. But above all else, I will absolutely be prepared.
Also, in case anyone has any friends who have c-sections in the future, here is something you shouldn't say to them:
"well at least you didn't have to push a baby out you-know-where" well actually, yea the pushing part probably sucks (not that I'd know) and if you tear that is probably plenty painful. BUT I would bet that if you asked ANYONE who's had both a natural delivery and c-section, that they were recovered from the natural delivery much faster than the c-section. I would absolutely trade the [what I'm sure is excruciating] pain of pushing a kid out for the also excruciating recovery from a c-section.
But most importantly out of everything...even though I still believe that I should be able to have a healthy baby AND a birthing experience that I'm happy with....I would've done absolutely anything to have my sweet baby Sawyer; be it pushing him out or being sliced open.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Sawyer's Birth Story
Its taken some time for me to even be ready to post this and put it all out there, but this is Sawyer's birth story as I wrote it when he was just a few days old...
Sawyer’s birth story starts a long time before his actual birth. When I first found out I was pregnant with Sawyer, I spoke to the OB who delivered Carson about the possibility of a vbac. The OB office said that I was probably a pretty decent candidate for a vbac, being that my issue was uterine infection and not something like getting to 10 cm and the baby being too big to push out (as this would make the chances of a successful vbac less likely) but because they were a smaller practice at a hospital with a smaller nicu, they very rarely take vbac patients and pretty much they only take “sure thing” vbacs, like a mom who never labored the first time but had a c-section for something like a transverse or breech baby.
Sawyer’s birth story starts a long time before his actual birth. When I first found out I was pregnant with Sawyer, I spoke to the OB who delivered Carson about the possibility of a vbac. The OB office said that I was probably a pretty decent candidate for a vbac, being that my issue was uterine infection and not something like getting to 10 cm and the baby being too big to push out (as this would make the chances of a successful vbac less likely) but because they were a smaller practice at a hospital with a smaller nicu, they very rarely take vbac patients and pretty much they only take “sure thing” vbacs, like a mom who never labored the first time but had a c-section for something like a transverse or breech baby.
So I sought a second opinion at a midwifery an hour away in Eugene. I went to my consultation appointment with them, with all of my records from Carson’s birth, and they told me I was a good candidate for vbac. I asked about their procedures for vbac patients and mentioned that I would not be willing to discuss a repeat c-section until 41 weeks along unless there was some medical reason to do one prior (like a problem with that baby or my health) they agreed to this. With everything seemingly all figured out, I transferred my care to them from the OB I saw with Carson.
My pregnancy went relatively unremarkably. I had a lot of morning sickness, just like I’d had with Carson, but aside from that Sawyer and I were very healthy the whole time. I did have a couple of extra ultrasounds toward the end of my pregnancy just to check on his size, he was measuring on the big side, which was to be expected since Carson was 9 lbs 3 oz and Bryan and I are both tall people.
Suddenly at my 39 week prenatal appointment, the midwife said they wanted me to schedule a c-section for my due date. I declined and said that from the beginning we had discussed not even talking about a repeat c-section until 41 weeks since Carson was overdue and there is really no medical reason for one. I was quite shocked that they even mentioned it, and especially shocked that they seemed to be really pushing for it. I was told that the baby was measuring big (no surprise) but as he and I were healthy I saw no reason for a scheduled elective c-section. I even asked them if I were a first time mom or a mom who’d previously had a vaginal delivery rather than a c-section if they’d even be considering a c-section, they said no. So truly the only reason for a c-section was that I’d had one before, which sort of begged the question of why the heck they took me as a vbac patient in the first place…
At 40 weeks they did an NST, which Sawyer passed with flying colors, he and I were both extremely healthy, but again because he was big, they were really pushing for c-section. I told them I would speak with the OB about it at the appointment I had scheduled with him the following Tuesday (at 40 weeks 6 days) as planned if I had not gone into labor before that. They insisted on changing my appointment to Friday (40 weeks 2 days) without asking me, they just said “this is when your appointment is” unfortunately for them, living an hour away, having only one car and a husband in school and a 2 year old to look after, I couldn’t’ just drop everything to come in when they scheduled me (without asking if it worked) and I told them so, they were less than pleased.
On Saturday, April 23rd, I woke up just before 4 am and my water broke. My water GUSHED. It was like in the movies. When my water broke with Carson it was an audible ‘pop’ followed by a small trickle…with Sawyer it was a full on flood that didn’t ever seem to end (which I later found out was because he was not engaged at all like Carson, so Carson’s head had acted like a stopper letting only a tiny bit out).
I was group b strep positive again, as I had been with Carson, so off to the hospital we went. For the hour long car ride there I had pretty consistent contractions at 5-6 minutes apart. When we got to the hospital they slowed to more like 7-8 minutes.
The nurse came in as started trying to get my IV started, except I have terrible veins. She tried a few times to get an IV placed with no success, then the midwife came in, without even having checked me yet to see if I was decently dilated she started talking c-section. I still can’t even put into words what I was feeling then aside from what the hell. The midwife tried to get my IV placed, and also failed. She said she was going to go check on another patient while another nurse came to try to place my IV and she would be back once it was in to check me for dilation.
An hour and multiple unsuccessful IV attempts later, the midwife came back, clearly annoyed at how long it was taking to get the IV (she even mentioned she’d been waiting an hour and needed to get back over to the birth center to check on a patient laboring there—its just down the street) honestly at that point I wanted to scream at her that I’d gladly be the one standing around waiting an hour then the one being treated like a pin cushion, but I behaved myself and didn’t say that.
At this point my IV is finally placed (I had been poked 14 times to get an IV placed and blood drawn successfully) and the midwife says to me that she’s spoken with the on call OB, as is standard with a vbac patient, and he is not at all comfortable with me being vbac patient, that he would require internal monitoring rather than external, and that he would want me to have an epidural were I to continue to try to labor, but he would really like me to just have a c-section. I decline the epidural (and I’m pretty sure I said something along the lines of over my dead body am I getting an epidural) but if it meant that I could get up and move around and it would get them off my back I’d agree to the internal monitoring.
The midwife also tells me that unless I agree to a c-section the on call OB refuses to even see me unless she was transferring my care from her to him because I was scheduled for a c-section on the 18th that I didn’t show up for and I was scheduled for an appointment the day before (Friday) that I had cancelled. I quickly informed her that not only would I ABSOLUTELY NEVER have agreed to an elective c-section BEFORE my due date, I was unaware that one had even been scheduled, if I’d known that I’d have told them to kiss my ass because it was not something I was agreeing to without medical reason. And that I didn’t schedule the Friday appointment, it was scheduled for me and unless I was in labor, I could not stop my life to make that appointment time, my husband would be missing enough school when the baby actually came and I couldn’t have him missing more school for any appointment they never even asked me if I could make. She said “so from your perspective you didn’t think you needed to show up to your scheduled c-section” it was everything I had in me not to scream almost every profanity I know at her…but my two year old was in the room, so I simply said that no, not “from my perspective” I did NOT schedule it, and whoever took it upon themselves to schedule it NEVER told me they had (trust me they’d have heard about it) and then I held up my chart for her and pointed out where SHE wrote at my 39 week appointment that “patient declines c-section prior to 4/26” so CLEARLY I didn’t agree to a c-section on the 18th. And I let her know that I really couldn’t care less if the OB came in, I did not need him to give birth to my child, I thought that’s why I had a midwife. Oh and the part where I had my 40 week prenatal appointment on the 19th and there was no mention of the c-section that I’d apparently never shown up for.
Then she checked me. I was only 1-2 cm. She tried to place the internal monitor but it came back with blood in it (likely from my not-very-dilated cervix) she got a new one and tried again. The same thing happened. At this point she told me that she would not try again and that because I wasn’t contracting regularly and barely dilated she would normally recommend pitocin but would not give me pitocin without the internal monitoring, which she was not going to try to do again. She wanted me to agree to have the c-section.
Basically she said that
*I probably wouldn’t go into full on labor without pitocin
*she would not give me pitocin without internal monitoring
*she couldn’t do internal monitoring, she was refusing to try again
*If I would not agree to the c-section I was pretty much on my own because she would not do anything whatsoever to alter my labor and she did not want me to vbac.
At this point the only reasons for a c-section is that the baby is big, I had a c-section last time, and so far (the whole 2 hours or so since my water broke) it looked like things were going the same way as with Carson so the labor would “probably” be long and would “probably” end in a c-section anyway…so not real reasons, medically speaking. I flat out told her that if there was anything wrong with Sawyer's or my health that I would be the first one to say ok lets have a c-section, but if we were both healthy than there was no reason for one, she assured me we were both still healthy.
I had been a pin cushion for ever an hour, not had a whole lot of sleep, my husband was busy with a rambunctious 2 year old because my parents were still on their way to pick him up (they live far away) and I was pretty much being told agree to a c-section or be on my own. She asked me again to agree to the c-section and I told her I really needed to think about it, I wasn’t going to agree to it yet.
My monitors kept slipping because I was moving around to try to accommodate how they wanted my arms to get a better shot at a successful blood draw. At this point the nurse turns to me assures me that even though the baby’s hr monitor keeps slipping to the 60’s, the baby was not actually having hr issues, the monitor had slipped and was picking up my hr, she then showed me where if showed the dips in Sawyer’s hr and that at the same times they were the same as my hr so he was for sure not having any issues.
The midwife left for about 3 minutes, at the same time my parents showed up, before they even had a chance to take Carson and give Bryan and I a few minutes to ourselves for me to try to process if I wanted to go on with labor or give up, the midwife came back along with the OB, who apparently was told I had agreed to the c-section, even though I absolutely had not. My mom mentions something about the baby sounding great (she could hear him on the now correctly adjusted monitors) and the midwife says “no actually, it doesn’t, its dipped down to the 60s a few times” which was blatantly untrue as I’d just been told minutes before that he was fine and that was my hr on the monitor. [I’ve since seen my records and there is no mention of fetal distress of dips in his hr of any kind, so she was clearly trying to play on my parents emotions to convince me of the c-section]
The OB starts talking about the c-section, I’m bawling my eyes out because it is not what I want and I’m in labor and I feel like nobody is listening to me and everybody is talking to me like a child. This part is honestly a bit of a blur, I just remember vaguely him going over all the ‘reasons’ I should have a c-section. The OB said something about going to start getting ready for the c-section and at this point the nurse must’ve mentioned that she didn’t think I’d actually agreed to a c-section, because he came back over to me and goes “just so we’re on the same page here, you have decided to do the c-section, right?”
I was sitting there, crying so hard, and wishing that I could just have a few minutes by myself to think, and that everyone would stop treating me like I didn’t know anything, and I lost all will to fight for myself. On the inside I was screaming for my parents to go deal with Carson so Bryan could actually be involved and help me (he was busy keeping Carson away from where the nurses had a plethora of needles and everything going on for the blood draw) and for the midwife and OB to leave the hell alone to think and for them to just give me an hour to see if there was any change or progress or anything. I had my parents sitting with me, who clearly thought that the doctors know best and I should agree to the c-section (which I kinda get since the midwife had lied to them and said Sawyer’s hr was dipping even though it wasn’t) in my head I said all the right things, but on the outside all I could do was sob and wish someone would get that they really needed to let the woman who was in labor and SOBBING to just have a minute….but they didn’t and as hard as I tried it was like I just could not get the words out…I agreed to the c-section.
My parents took Carson to the waiting room and the OB, nurses, and midwife all went into getting ready for a c-section mode. I cried a little more, texted a few people to let them know what was going on, and I was taken back to the OR.
I was given a spinal and as soon as I was numb and everything was set up, Bryan was allowed to come back. They ended up having to use the vacuum to get him out, which I’m still kinda pissed about, I mean I don’t totally understand the exact logistics of how they do the c-section, but I’d think they’d just be able to make a little bit bigger incision to get the baby out, its not the same as a vaginal birth where the birth canal is only so big…but anyway. At 10:11am Sawyer Isaiah was born, weighing 10 lbs 7 oz and 22 inches long. He was allowed to stay with me in the OR while I got stitched up, it was something I insisted on, I was supposed to get to hold him but I was so itchy and shaky from the spinal that I was afraid I’d drop him so Bryan just held him right next to me.
We went back to the recovery room after I was stitched up and he was placed on my chest to nurse, which he did amazingly well! A little while later we went to the post partum room and my parents brought Carson in. He is absolutely enamored with his new baby brother.
I am still getting over the whole thing, to be honest, I’m still just mad about the whole thing, and people keep telling me that at least I have a healthy baby, and I really am thankful for that, but I don’t feel like those two things—a healthy baby and a birth I’m happy with—have to be mutually exclusive of each other.
I’ll always have to wonder if I could have done it, and that sucks. And I’ll always have to live with the fact that I should have stood up for myself and asked for more time, for an hour even, just to see what my body might do, to see if it would have been different than last time…but I didn’t stand up for myself, and that’s one of the worst feelings in the world.
And after the fact, I found out that my medical records say that it was an elective c-section with no labor, I can’t really put into words how much that upsets me because it proves that there really was no reason for the c-section.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Oh the things my 2 year old says
So I post on facebook pretty frequently about the funny things that Carson says, so here they are, in all their silly, cute, smarty pants glory :)
Carson: Its called a Nectarine, Daddy! Its called a nectarine!! (he continued this for the following 5 minutes as he ate the nectarine)
Daddy: What are you cutting up for Carson? Is that a peach?
Carson: Its called a Nectarine, Daddy! Its called a nectarine!! (he continued this for the following 5 minutes as he ate the nectarine)
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