Lots of people like to tell me what I should do with my kids. Or what I shouldn't do. I'm not a fan. So let me explain why I parent how I do and why I'm not even remotely interested in some of the 'suggestions' people have.
Why we don't 'cry-it-out' (CIO)
I often get told to just 'let them cry' this is not something that I do. Now, I could list research articles that indicate the negative neurological effects of repeated and/or prolonged crying in infants. Such as:
M R Rao, et al; Long Term Cognitive Development in Children with Prolonged Crying, National Institutes of Health, Archives of Disease in Childhood 2004; 89:989-992
Wolke, D, et al, Persistent Infant Crying and Hyperactivity Problems in Middle Childhood, Pediatrics, 2002; 109:1054-1060.
Stifter and Spinrad, The Effect of Excessive Crying on the Development of Emotion Regulation, Infancy, 2002; 3(2), 133-152
Yea, I could list all of those, and trust me, there are plenty more where that came from. I could explain to you how letting small children CIO can cause emotional problems, attachment issues, psychological problems...I could list all of those things.
But the bottom line? I don't CIO with my kids because it goes against pretty much every biological/maternal instinct that I have. When my baby cries, my entire central nervous system says "go make the crying stop!" So yes, sometimes I am going to carry my baby around because he is crying for attention, he is a baby and it hardwired to want and need and crave attention.
And the biggest reason of all that I don't let my kids cry? Because I just don't want to, it just does not feel right to me at all.
Why we talk to our kids like their real people instead of tiny little non-understanding creatures.
Ok, so sometimes they are tiny little non-understanding creatures, but the fact is, if we talk to them like their real people, they learn to speak to other people respectfully. Don't get me wrong, sometimes the age-appropriate answer is "because I said so" but a lot of the time they really do deserve and explanation and not just to be told 'no' all the time.
But mostly, that is how I want to talk to them. And I puked for 9 months to grow those little people and I labored and let people cut me open and endured weeks and weeks of painful recovery to have them and I've nursed them and they are mine and all mine, and no one else's (except for my husband's) and what I say goes.
Why my kids are rear facing in the car.
Well, Sawyer is rear-facing because well, he's new and its the law and he would be regardless of my opinions...But Carson remains rear-facing because it is the safest way for him to be. Because I could list a million scholarly articles that say so. Because the AAP and the NHTSA say so.
But mostly? Because it is what I want and they are my kids.
Did you see a theme here? Because the theme is that they are my children, and unless you were there when they were conceived, you just flat out do not get a say in how I parent them.
So the next time you feel like telling me to just put the kid down and let him cry, or question the way he faces in the car, or otherwise feel like telling me all of the things I doing wrong with them. Take note; I parent my kids the way I want to and the way I see fit. Unless something I'm doing is actual abuse (which I can guarantee it isn't, nor is it even close) then shut the f up. Because I'm done being told all of the things that I'm doing wrong. I have many flaws. They are innumerable. But even on my worst day, nobody has any right to tell me that I'm parenting the wrong way. It may not be your way, but that doesn't make it wrong.
So really, get over yourself. If you want a say in how a kid is parented, then go have some [more] or your own. Because these are mine, and you just don't get to have an opinion.
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